We are approaching the 3 year anniversary of my dads death....boy time flies. My heart is still broken. I don't think I will ever be the same person. I'm a little colder... Not intentionally! It just is.... My attitude is o much different. Things that once worried the hell out of me, don't phase me. I am still Angry! I feel like I was short changed. I honestly feel robbed. Cancer came in like a thief in the night and stole my dad! I have my dads favorite leather coat! I was wearing it, when I felt something in his pocket. It was a receipt dated April 2, 2010, it was for his cellphone bill. My dad was driving, walking around, and taking care of business. 2 months and 4 days later.....he was gone! I know you're not supposed to,question God's will. But, I want to understand why such a good man had to suffer like he did. No one deserves cancer, and my dad definitely didn't deserve it.
I still cry myself to sleep...
I still can't get out of bed some days...
I still have those angry screaming shouting crying sessions...
It is hard!!!!!!
So hard!
Can you believe some chick had to nerve to gloat in my Daddy's death and try to tease me with all the things her and her father do together!
Some people are just evil! Pure evil.
I would never do that even to my worse enemy!
I do dream about my dad a lot! I guess that's his way of showing up when I need him, I just wished I knew if he was ok! And that he knows how much I loved and appreciated him as a father. Does he know how much I miss him?
People say it will get easier, I haven't reached that stage yet!
From a true daddy's girl perspective, I don't think it ever will!
My daddy was my everything, I would pick up the phone and call him quicker than Baptiste if I needed something! Lol
How I miss that man...
I will close with lyrics from my daddy and I favorite song:
Think of me
Think of me baby
You know I'd be with if I could
Come around and see you once in awhile
If you ever need a reason to smile
Those lyrics speak to me.....
And I can still hear my daddy singing them..
Wells my eyes are welling up, so I will end this.
I will ask that you continue to pray for me...this has almost killed me.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
I have been very busy....
YES, I LOVE smashing, scrapbooking, daybooks, junk journals, and overall anything that involves paper!!!! LOL
To see more of my work you can find me here:https://www.youtube.com/user/danapaynebrooks
and here: http://pinterest.com/daddysgirl4evr3/my-work/
Hope you all have safe, happy, and fun filled weekend!
Until nex time!
Friday, January 11, 2013
*taps mic* testing 123.... Anybody hear me?
Hello everybody! It has been ages since i last blogged. One of my goals this year is to blog more!!! Life kinda got in the way and I was distracted for a brief minute, but this time I am back. I have really been into my hobbies lately, painting, scrapbooking, day booking, smashbooking, art journaling.... I have been having a ball. I just wrapped up my December Daily and I am so glad to be done!!!! Can't wait to start new projects and share them here with you on my blog!!! Here is a link to my December Daily flip thru: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lhrsYMPTjQs
I can't wait to get back in a routine! Missed you!!!!! Until next time!
I can't wait to get back in a routine! Missed you!!!!! Until next time!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Overwhelmed!
Lately, I have taken a break from social networking, I am JUST OVERWHELMED. As you know my brother came to live with my mother in September of last year, well it was nothing but DRAMA since the day he moved in. And to make a long story short, he STOLE so much shit from my mama, it was ridiculous, it all came to ahead about 3 weeks ago when me and sister physically put him and his family out of my mom's house. MY MOM IS DEVASTATED! and because she's hurt, it affects OUR LIVES TOO, that being me and my sister. I am the closest to my mom (area wise) and so I sometimes, feel like I am taking care of two households. I go and clean, cook, water flowers, my boys take care of the yard, and jaree takes care of her dog. My sister helps often too! As much as she can, she has a demanding job, and she lives in the city. I am closest to my mom, so I do the most! I am not complaining, but somedays I can barely lift my feet. I AM SO TIRED yall! BUT, I feel like it's my only parent, so I have to help take care of her. My mom literally does NOTHING for herself, accept bathe, pay her bills, and shop! Her HOUSE would be on HOARDERS, if it was not for me, my sister, and our kids! My dad did most of the cleaning and cooking, my mom is NOT A LAZY person, but my dad was just a take charge man.
Lately, I have been doing more in my mom's house than my own. My house is a wreck, because I am always at her house doing something and I am just too exhausted to fix the problem. Tomorrow, I'm not answering my phone, I'm just going to clean my house from sun up to sun down. I don't know what to do, but it's really taking a tole on me. I did this before, I took care of my grandmother until she passed from Alzheimer's in 96, me more than anyone else, because I was home more, my parents worked, my siblings worked, and MY MOM'S OTHER SIBLING DIDN'T HELP DO SHIT! So, I guess I have taken on the role of caretaker. But, I'm TIRED....physically and mentally! I'm JUST DRAINED!
My sister knows that, and she has really been helping out a lot! But, still most of the burden is on me! Let me not say BURDEN, because my mom is no burden. I thank God, she can take care of her self! She is just depressed and I think it's taken a tole on her. Losing your soul mate isn't easy!
Plus, my mom DRAINS ME....she is always talking about the shit my brother did to her. All the time! All she does is cry! and I have to pray very HARD NOT TO HATE MY BROTHER AND HIS WIFE AND HIS KIDS, because they allllllllllll FUCKED MY MOM OVER! They stole atleat 10K worth of stuff from my mom! and everyday we find more shit that's missing! It's just TOO MUCH!
BUT, just listening to that everyday is driving me crazy! I know my mom needs to vent, but it really gets on my nerves sometimes! I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE! We can't change what he did! IT'S DONE! We know now, that he can't be trusted! That he obviously has a bad drug addiction. The only thing we can do is to never allow him near our mom again, until he seeks treatment! and his wife is NEVER WELCOME!
I am just so exhausted physically and mentally, and to be honest that is why I was hospitalized 6 days in April......PURE STRESS AND EXHAUSTION!
I CAN'T CONTINUE on ......
somethings got to give......
I just NEED A BREAK FROM ALL OF THE DRAMA....
I don't do drama well, it affects me PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY....
I need, at least for my mental health, to always be in a calm state of mind.....
because I can SNAP OUT JUST LIKE THAT......
and I don't want to...
So, I'm just going to tell my mom, I need a break....and hope she understands!
That is all!
Lately, I have been doing more in my mom's house than my own. My house is a wreck, because I am always at her house doing something and I am just too exhausted to fix the problem. Tomorrow, I'm not answering my phone, I'm just going to clean my house from sun up to sun down. I don't know what to do, but it's really taking a tole on me. I did this before, I took care of my grandmother until she passed from Alzheimer's in 96, me more than anyone else, because I was home more, my parents worked, my siblings worked, and MY MOM'S OTHER SIBLING DIDN'T HELP DO SHIT! So, I guess I have taken on the role of caretaker. But, I'm TIRED....physically and mentally! I'm JUST DRAINED!
My sister knows that, and she has really been helping out a lot! But, still most of the burden is on me! Let me not say BURDEN, because my mom is no burden. I thank God, she can take care of her self! She is just depressed and I think it's taken a tole on her. Losing your soul mate isn't easy!
Plus, my mom DRAINS ME....she is always talking about the shit my brother did to her. All the time! All she does is cry! and I have to pray very HARD NOT TO HATE MY BROTHER AND HIS WIFE AND HIS KIDS, because they allllllllllll FUCKED MY MOM OVER! They stole atleat 10K worth of stuff from my mom! and everyday we find more shit that's missing! It's just TOO MUCH!
BUT, just listening to that everyday is driving me crazy! I know my mom needs to vent, but it really gets on my nerves sometimes! I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE! We can't change what he did! IT'S DONE! We know now, that he can't be trusted! That he obviously has a bad drug addiction. The only thing we can do is to never allow him near our mom again, until he seeks treatment! and his wife is NEVER WELCOME!
I am just so exhausted physically and mentally, and to be honest that is why I was hospitalized 6 days in April......PURE STRESS AND EXHAUSTION!
I CAN'T CONTINUE on ......
somethings got to give......
I just NEED A BREAK FROM ALL OF THE DRAMA....
I don't do drama well, it affects me PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY....
I need, at least for my mental health, to always be in a calm state of mind.....
because I can SNAP OUT JUST LIKE THAT......
and I don't want to...
So, I'm just going to tell my mom, I need a break....and hope she understands!
That is all!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Having the time of my life.....,
Hello Blog world,
I just want to say I have been having the time of my life! I had a wonderful MOther's Day! Finally Got my ipad and my sewing machine and sad to say, both of them are still in the box, but I have been so busy with the kids, I haven't had a chance to do anything!
I have been kinda MIA lately! I just have been doing things with my family, the most important people in my life. When you start to social network, you tend to lose focus on what's important! I spent my life tweeting and on facebook...and began to stop doing things that I normally did, like create art, write in my journal, exercise, bake for the hell of it, scrapbook, paint, dabble in mixed media art, create jewerly....I just didn't BALANCE WELL....I didn't BALANCE AT ALL.... and I have found that my home life is much better and so am I. Nothing against social networking, but I had to balance things out for my own life.
In other news, I have been a CRAFTING FOOL...3 paintings! 2 complete smash books, 1 semi complete mini album, 3 mixed media art projects in process, 7 art journal entries, a lot of reading, made a cheesecake, brownies, and banana cream pie, and a lot of walking with the hubs!
I have also been going to church and getting into my word. I find that when I start and end my day with God, my day runs smoothly! It's just a joy that I cannot explain. After my dad died, I went to a dark place in my life. Did a lot of SHAMEFUL things, but I am glad I recognized the problem and wanted to do better with myself. That is all I am going to say about that!
Kids are ALL DOING GREAT! I couldn't be more proud!
Hubs is doing GREAT!
MOM finally KICKED MY BROTHER OUT...so much has happened that I ashamed to even talk about, but if my brother does not get his life in order, he WILL SURELY GO TO HELL!
She kicked his butt out Monday....and although I feel sorry for him, what he did to my mom was horrendous!
What else! Oh, I am thinking about going back to school in the Fall....I have 18 hours to get my Master's in Counseling Psychology so I think I should get that piece of paper! It's one of the things my dad said I NEEDED to do.
Oh, and I went to Archivers the other day and completely lost my mind.....WHO SPENDS $374 AT ARCHIVERS? Me! Baptiste didn't say a word he just handed over the credit card! Then my dumb butt went to Hobby Lobby and Michaels the NEXT DAY...spent 74 at Hobby Lobby and $87 at Michaels! then I went to Old Time Pottery and spent another $45 for stuff for my scrapbook room! LOL I blame my mom for it ALL!
Then Baptiste treated the kid to a little summer shopping spree and Jaree went HELLO KITTY CRAZY! LOL That child loves her some HELLO KITTY! LOL
Jariel is getting at that age where he's getting picky! We went to 6 stores looking for some Air Max gym shoes and he still didn't get anything, so we are taking him back today! When did this child become so picky? LOL
I went into Charming Charlie and LOST MY MIND.....I am a jewelry, purse, shoe.....FREAK! I bought a new purse, a new pair of shoes (not from charming charlie), and A LOT OF jewelry! More than I planned to!
I need to hurry up and figure out this 3 strand bead concept so I can make my own jewelry! Then I will be all goood-t!
Today, I have to go to DISCOVERY with Jaree! I hate that place as much as I hate CLAIRES! and I went there yesterday too! And we have to take Jariel to DTLR To get shoes and Old Navy to finish up his shopping, that boy LOVES CARGO SHORTS! LOL
We went to Texas Roadhouse yesterday and had a nice dinner with the family! Had my nephews Aaron and Marion with us! Baptiste treated everybody! And didn't buy him self a thing! He was very patient and bought everyone what they wanted! I love that man! God sent me a good man! He gets on my nerves sometimes, but I am sure I get on his too! But for the MOST PART, he is darn near perfect! He goes above and beyond for his family and we started this thing at a young age, so I give the man his props! Love him to death!
Well, I have rambled enough...
Until next time...
I just want to say I have been having the time of my life! I had a wonderful MOther's Day! Finally Got my ipad and my sewing machine and sad to say, both of them are still in the box, but I have been so busy with the kids, I haven't had a chance to do anything!
I have been kinda MIA lately! I just have been doing things with my family, the most important people in my life. When you start to social network, you tend to lose focus on what's important! I spent my life tweeting and on facebook...and began to stop doing things that I normally did, like create art, write in my journal, exercise, bake for the hell of it, scrapbook, paint, dabble in mixed media art, create jewerly....I just didn't BALANCE WELL....I didn't BALANCE AT ALL.... and I have found that my home life is much better and so am I. Nothing against social networking, but I had to balance things out for my own life.
In other news, I have been a CRAFTING FOOL...3 paintings! 2 complete smash books, 1 semi complete mini album, 3 mixed media art projects in process, 7 art journal entries, a lot of reading, made a cheesecake, brownies, and banana cream pie, and a lot of walking with the hubs!
I have also been going to church and getting into my word. I find that when I start and end my day with God, my day runs smoothly! It's just a joy that I cannot explain. After my dad died, I went to a dark place in my life. Did a lot of SHAMEFUL things, but I am glad I recognized the problem and wanted to do better with myself. That is all I am going to say about that!
Kids are ALL DOING GREAT! I couldn't be more proud!
Hubs is doing GREAT!
MOM finally KICKED MY BROTHER OUT...so much has happened that I ashamed to even talk about, but if my brother does not get his life in order, he WILL SURELY GO TO HELL!
She kicked his butt out Monday....and although I feel sorry for him, what he did to my mom was horrendous!
What else! Oh, I am thinking about going back to school in the Fall....I have 18 hours to get my Master's in Counseling Psychology so I think I should get that piece of paper! It's one of the things my dad said I NEEDED to do.
Oh, and I went to Archivers the other day and completely lost my mind.....WHO SPENDS $374 AT ARCHIVERS? Me! Baptiste didn't say a word he just handed over the credit card! Then my dumb butt went to Hobby Lobby and Michaels the NEXT DAY...spent 74 at Hobby Lobby and $87 at Michaels! then I went to Old Time Pottery and spent another $45 for stuff for my scrapbook room! LOL I blame my mom for it ALL!
Then Baptiste treated the kid to a little summer shopping spree and Jaree went HELLO KITTY CRAZY! LOL That child loves her some HELLO KITTY! LOL
Jariel is getting at that age where he's getting picky! We went to 6 stores looking for some Air Max gym shoes and he still didn't get anything, so we are taking him back today! When did this child become so picky? LOL
I went into Charming Charlie and LOST MY MIND.....I am a jewelry, purse, shoe.....FREAK! I bought a new purse, a new pair of shoes (not from charming charlie), and A LOT OF jewelry! More than I planned to!
I need to hurry up and figure out this 3 strand bead concept so I can make my own jewelry! Then I will be all goood-t!
Today, I have to go to DISCOVERY with Jaree! I hate that place as much as I hate CLAIRES! and I went there yesterday too! And we have to take Jariel to DTLR To get shoes and Old Navy to finish up his shopping, that boy LOVES CARGO SHORTS! LOL
We went to Texas Roadhouse yesterday and had a nice dinner with the family! Had my nephews Aaron and Marion with us! Baptiste treated everybody! And didn't buy him self a thing! He was very patient and bought everyone what they wanted! I love that man! God sent me a good man! He gets on my nerves sometimes, but I am sure I get on his too! But for the MOST PART, he is darn near perfect! He goes above and beyond for his family and we started this thing at a young age, so I give the man his props! Love him to death!
Well, I have rambled enough...
Until next time...
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
My name is Dana Brooks and I am a SMASH A HOLIC
Lately this is all I want to do! SMASH! What is a smash book? It's generally a scrapbook/journal! No rules! Just go for it! Don't think about it! Just do it!
Until next time......
Edited to add: I added pins to the side of the mini book where the buttons are.....TOO CUTE! will post the finished book later!
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