Saturday, January 28, 2012

BACK TO THE BASICS...

I look at some of these children this day and age, and I seriously want to CRY...
THEN ...
I WANT TO GO GET A SWITCH OFF THE TREE AND DO A DRIVE BY ON SOME OF THESE BAD ASS KIDS!
I was in Stracks minding my own business and this little girl all of 14 years old, said very openly and LOUD "I NEED SOME DICK ASAP"!  

I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.......
I gave her the dirtiest look ever and I almost hit this child in her mouth, because it was PLAIN DISRESPECTFUL...of not only the adults and elderly people around her, BUT MAINLY OF HERSELF!

If that is what you are doing at 14, IT'S NOT CUTE.....and YOU NEED TO KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF!

As a teen, I WAS DEFINITELY not an ANGEL! But, I had respect for my elders and myself!
I carried myself LIKE A LADY, because if I DID NOT, there was SUDDEN DEATH waiting for me at home!

But, I WANTED to carry myself like a lady! I demanded my RESPECT! I didn't allow the boys to feel all on me .....NO FREE FEELS HERE...
I DIDN'T ALLOW BOYS TO TALK TO ME ANY TYPE OF WAY....
and I got the UTMOST respect in high school!

My parents taught to RESPECT MYSELF..and then OTHER PEOPLE WILL RESPECT YOU TOO..
My mom taught me the importance of acting like a lady at all times!

You NEVER CAUGHT ME CUSSING LIKE A SAILOR IN FRONT OF ADULTS..
did I cuss amongst my peers, HELL YEAH....but in an ADULTS PRESENCE, NOPE!

THE WORLD IS SO DIFFERENT NOW...
PEOPLE ARE MORE CAUGHT UP IN BEING THEIR CHILD'S FRIEND THAN THEIR PARENT!

I am A PARENT!
When you get GROWN, we can BE FRIENDS! but right now, I am THE ENFORCER!
NO CHILD WILL EVER RUN ME OR MY HOUSE!

and ....I was A TEEN MOM!
I HAD MY FIRST CHILD AT THE AGE OF 18!
HE IS NOT MY FRIEND....HE IS MY CHILD....He will be 20 in November of this year and I STILL DEMAND MY DAMN RESPECT!

HE tries to tell me he is grown now, but DUDE, GROWN means YOU HAVE YOUR OWN....when you still need me to do shit for you, YOU ARE NOT GROWN!

NOW, am I saying I have PERFECT KIDS....not by a long shot!
My kids HAVE THEIR WAYS....each of them do...
but never will I have a child sit up in my face and CURSE...
NEVER WILL i have a child ARGUE WITH ME .....not WHEN I FEED YOUR ASS EVERYDAY!
NEVER WILL I HAVE A CHILD HIT ME...YOU WILL DIE THAT DAY! DEFINITELY...
Never will I have a child sit up and talk about SEX openly or allow them to do it in my house!

I WILL NOT BE YOUR FRIEND! I AM GOING TO BE YOUR MOM!
I STILL THINK OLD SCHOOL IS THE BEST WAY....
and I will get a belt or a switch in a minute....JUDGE ME!
I BELIEVE CHILDREN SHOULD HELP AROUND THE HOUSE! You DO YOUR PART in my house!
I am feeding you everyday and YOU CAN'T WASH A DISH? I don't think so!

I just feel sorry for some of these kids because they don't have a CLUE!
DISCIPLINE is a way of LIFE...
RULES ARE PUT IN PLACE EVERY WHERE...
Work, School, Law, Government, even SOCIAL NETWORKS...
and you will follow the RULES of my house, UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN...

if you don't...

THERE WILLLLLLLLLL BE CONSEQUENCES!

I am all for having fun with your kids! WE HAVE A BALL IN THE BROOKS HOUSEHOLD, but their is a difference in having fun and BEING YOUR CHILD'S FRIEND!

THAT IS ALL....

Thursday, January 26, 2012

BLATANT DISRESPECT!!!!

I WAS OUTRAGED WHEN I SAW THIS, BUT NOT SURPRISED! GOVERNOR BREWERS NEEDS HER ASS KICKED FOR THIS!  But, Republicans are GREAT AT POINTING THE FINGER and this is PHYSICAL PROOF of that! I AM SO SICK of the BLATANT DISREGARD OF OUR COUNTRIES PRESIDENT! The media does not even address him as PRESIDENT OBAMA, they refer to him as MR. OBAMA! I don't recall Dubya being called Mr. Bush or President Clinton being called Mr. Clinton!  It's just BLATANT!!!! and I am sick of it! This man is DOING THE ABSOLUTE BEST HE CAN, he is BUSTING HIS ASS, and he doesn't get any FREAKING CREDIT.  Jan Brewers was WAY OUT OF LINE!  AND THE SECRET SERVICE SHOULD HAVE TACKLED HER ASS! That was a threatening motion! YOU DON'T STICK YOUR FINGER IN A GROWN MAN'S FACE! But, this is NOT SHOCKING TO ME....

Some things never changed! He is STILL A BLACK MAN....we have made GREAT STRIDES in this country, WE HAVE CONTRIBUTED SO MUCH, but the WORLD only SEE'S IN BLACK AND WHITE, which is sad in this day and age!

I am OUTDONE!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Letting go is hard....

Letting go....TWO WORDS ....SOUNDS EASY, but it is very hard...
Whether you are letting go of a person, a place, or even a thing....it can be very hard!

When my dad got ill, it was a shock... and before we could even get over the shock....HE DIED.  My dad was diagnosed with cancer January 6th and he DIED June 6th....HE DIED 6 MONTHS TO THE DATE of his DIAGNOSIS!




 My father died, but in a lot of ways I WAS DEAD TOO! I was DEAD IN MY SPIRIT! I was DEFEATED, because I thought my dad was INVINCIBLE! I really did! I really didn't even get a chance to prepare myself, because the whole CANCER THING was a SHOCK...and my mom had colon cancer and SHE BEAT IT! my mom was NO MATCH for my dad, so I just thought just maybe, he would beat this thing! HE HAD A QUADRUPLE BYPASS, and was walking the NEXT FREAKING DAY!  so......why couldn't he beat cancer?

I am still coping with this, but I learned in order for my dad to be at peace, I needed to let him go....
Absence from the body, means presence with the Lord, and he can't be in ANY BETTER HANDS THAN THOSE...

Now does that mean, I still don't cry or I don't miss my father....NO! JUST, means I am coping a little better and I NOW have peace in his death, that I didn't before....
Moving right along..

I was diagnosed last May with diabetes, I WAS DEVASTATED! This was like a DEATH SENTENCE for me, but I HAD TO LET SOME THINGS GO....It was either that or DEATH....which is what I was heading for with UNREGULATED blood sugars on the high end of 487 and dropping low as 39.  I had to learn that MODERATION for me, was the key and EXERCISE.  I like to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it!  BUT THAT, WAS NOT WORKING FOR DANA.... so I had to start measuring portions, with cups and half cups AND I AM NOT GOING TO LIE, i hated it AT FIRST, but with time, I am now used to it! I lost over 35 MUCH NEEDED pounds, and I am still going for more! 

I am NOW off medication and regulating with taking bsl daily, exercising only 3 times a week, and diet!  and  I bet you are wondering if I cheat, YES, all the time, DO I FEEL GUILTY, nope not one bit, BUT DO I go back at it again, YES I DO, and that is what matters, NOT GIVING UP, even when you have weak moments!

I had to let go of my PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS OF FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS:
When I love a person, whether it's my friend, family, husband, I LOVE WITH MY ALL....meaning, there is NOTHING that I would not do for that person! I am a VERY GIVING person, if you NEED IT, I GOT YOU....I am a PROTECTIVE PERSON, if you hurt the people i love YOU HURT ME, and I will protect them by any means necessary!  I am a OPEN MINDED PERSON, I am not judgemental!  I am a very HONEST person, so I will not SUGAR COAT anything for you....and I am ME.....ALL DAY EVERYDAY.....
but in saying that...

I CANNOT EXPECT EVERYBODY TO BE LIKE ME...
that is my DEFENSE ON EVERYTHING, how could you do this to me, when I would never in a million years do this to you?  I made this statement at least a million times in my life!

I cannot change people, I cannot save people, the only person in the equation that I can change or save IS DANA...and I had to learn that the hard way...

So, in 2012 if YOU DO NOT MEAN ME ANY GOOD, and I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE ....I had TO LET IT GO....


Why? because things effect me a little differently? Things affect my sleep, my stomach, my mind, I have headaches, I worry, and I am the only person LOSING SLEEP AND GETTING SICK! For what? When that person or persons is sleeping like a baby every night!

So, I LEARNED to remove myself and MOVE AROUND...
Sounds EASY ENOUGH, but it really isn't especially when it's FAMILY!

BUT, NOW that I have learned to LET GO....my life is so much easier! Seriously!
I breathe a little easier, I sleep better, my health is better....and I am so serious!

Some people say I have a "I don't give a fuck attitude", well, that's not it....I just don't allow myself TO GET HURT anymore!  Did you read that right? I said, I DON'T ALLOW MYSELF TO GET HURT anymore!  I can only CONTROL ME, and for a very short while my KIDS, because they will all become grown and be their own person(s). ....but,  just learned that I cannot expect everybody to do the things I do...go the distance I go....I am WHO I AM, and they are WHO THEY ARE ...and if they don't mean me ANY GOOD, or they ARE NOT GOOD FOR ME, I just let them go! AND....it was not easy, but I feel much better now that I did!

Yes, Letting Go is hard, but sometimes it is what needs to be done, in order to better your life!!!!!

Friday, January 13, 2012

funny story to share

yesterday it started snowing very heavy...

the kids look outside to see how heavy it was snowing...

jariel started to talk about a snow day and how cool it would be to have one..

jaree started crying because she didn't want to miss school...

now at first I thought this was a joke..
BUT..

when I looked at her face I realize she was serious..

her nose was red as a beet..

it took everything in me not to laugh in her face...

WHAT CHILD IN AMERICA, WOULDN'T WANT A SNOW DAY?

MY CHILD!

she loves school!
THIS KID WATCHED THE NEWS UNTIL 10:30 LAST NIGHT. and.....SHE WOKE UP AT 5:30 and started looking for school closures..

When she didn't see our district she was ecstatic...

Look at her face, compared to Jari's.....jariel was pissed!

gotta love these kids..
they are all different! lol

i guess that is why jaree has been on high honor roll since Kindegarten....and reads at a college level....

you know..

my baby who defied all odds from surviving a seizure that lasted over an hour....the one that they said would be brain dead, or severely brain damaged....the one that was in a coma for days, the one that i was told would,never walk or talk again, yeah her! God is good isn't he?

welp, thought i would share that...

until next time!


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I FEEL LIKE A TON OF BRICKS ARE SITTING ON MY CHEST...

MANY of you may know that I suffer from DEPRESSION!

I was diagnosed at the age of 13. I kept having all these crying spells and not knowing why. I would sleep all the time and I didn't engage with anyone in my family....

BASICALLY, I JUST SHUT DOWN....

I spent 41 days in a pediatric psychiatric unit in Christ hospital!

No one could get me to come around! The first 21 days i was in PSYCHIATRIC ICU.  I wasn't talking to anyone.  I didn't trust anybody.

I never felt so alone!
After 21 days, i was moved to 4 south, i was around children with eating disorders, sexually promiscuous girls, suicidal children, children who self mutilated, and started fires.  I did not fit in!

My pastor at the time Reverend John H. Burke started to visit me.  At first, he would,pray for me and give me bible verses to remember, so that we could discuss at our next visit. 

Then, he told me to seek God, for myself, and it would be there that i would find,peace.. 

At 13, i found God..

i started to open up and in a matter of days i was released from what i felt was hell! 

i had a strong desire to be Baptized and i was so into the word...

over the years..
i lost my way!

When my dad passed, i was so angry...
when my nephew Pierre died 3 Weeks later, i felt God turned his back on me.....but really i turned my back on him..

well, just a week ago, an old familiar feeling came over me...
Depression...

One day, i started crying and i couldnt stop! i was unconsolable! my hands were sweaty! i couldnt concentrate on anything! i started to shake.. 

I had a Nervous breakdown!
i was going to check myself in the hospital.

but then a funny thing happened..

i heard a beep on my phone, i assumed it was a text, but it was a notification from an app i downloaded called the Daily bible.  i picked it up and it read: 

1:1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; 2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. 1 Psalm 1-2

i read this about 10 times before it clicked!

I have been going through so much, issues with my children, issues in my marriage, health issues, issues with my siblings, trying to take care of two households, mine and my mothers, still grieving my dad...dealing with crazy folk...i just couldn't do it!  

i needed help, and i called on Jesus! and,he answered me!

He didn't forsake me after all...
it was me!

i had to let a lot of things go...
i had to let a lot of people go...

and i will never turn my back on God again, because its evident he didn't turn his back on me.

whew..I am going to end this now because i am so emotional right now!

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Getting organized!

My motto for 2012...less is best! Getting rid of the clutter, starting with my craft studio! Here are there before pics.... After pics coming later.