Monday, May 23, 2011

So I was going to

....make this blog post into a face book status.....or perhaps tweet it, but I decided to blog about it instead. I can't say I am exactly where I want to be in my life, but I have come a LONG WAY! I was recently asked "Dana, do you ever regret having children so young?" At first, I was taken a back, stunned, shocked, and even a tad bit offended by this question. But, once all of the emotions were settled. I answered in TWO LETTERS, no!

I was just 17 when i found out I was pregnant with my oldest son "B". I was still in high school and doing very well. I graduated in June with honors went on to Summer School for college and finished my first year of college all by the time I gave birth at the age of 18. I then had my second son Jariel ejust shy of my 22nd birthday, still in college.......

I finally graduated with HONORS with a degree in Psychology with 2 1/2 kids ...Jaree was in my belly....I was 24 years old with 3 children.

After college, I found a great job at Case Worker, for the Chicago Industrial League. I loved my job, I was also going to night school to receive my Master's. Everything in life was going great. I got married to my high school sweet heart in 98, had Jaree in 99 and landed this great career opportunity! Life was going well. Baptiste and I had our own town home, I was living the life!

then Jaree started to have these febrile seizures..... After 2 years of working.....I had to leave my career behind. My main focus was Jaree! This was NO strain for our family, because Baptiste made more money and we were able to live out of his income, and BANK MINE! So we had a rather large nest egg! Fast forward to today, our savings aren't where they were, but we are still living COMFORTABLY....

I said all of THAT to say THIS....

A BABY DON'T STOP NO SHOW....

I have accomplished A LOT IN MY LIFE, with 3 babies and I wouldn't trade them for the world! Yeah, I was just a baby ......but I grew up fast! I owned up to my responsibility and took charge! People thought that we would fail, that we were making a big mistake, but my children are my greatest achievement!

I look at my oldest son, who is now in college and has his father's work ethic. He has not one but two jobs.....

I look at Jariel, who is so loving and kind! He will give the shirt off of his back. Such a gentlemen!

I look at my baby girl Jaree, who is so beautiful and smart! She excels in school and has a love for animals and loves her brothers dearly! Do something to her brothers and you will PAY THE PRICE. And they are equally as crazy about her!

How could I regret 3 of God's greatest blessings!

Did I have it rough? Yes!!!! Did I struggle? Hell to the yeah? Would I change it? Not for all the riches in the world.

My children are the reason I am here. I suffer from Clinical Depression, and have had many thoughts of GIVING UP, especiallly since my dad passed and I look into my babies eyes and they give me LIFE....LITERALLY!


My 17 year old niece is pregnant, and NO this is NOT what I wanted from her, but a baby does not stop anything! IF YOU ARE HUNGRY ENOUGH, YOU WILL EAT....meaning, if you want something bad enough in life, nothing will get in your way! The sky is the limit!

My father was the biggest thorn in my side when I got pregnant, but was my biggest cheer leader in the end!

Life is funny sometimes....
I would have never expected my life to go the way it did....
but I am GRATEFUL FOR THE AWESOME JOURNEY IT HAS BECOME...

that is all!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Yoooohooo anybody there...

It's been ages since I last blogged....
So much has changed in my life.....
I am still having a hard time dealing with the death of my daddy...
That has really taken a tole on me....
Things are just not the same...
I look at life differently.....

It's just NOT EASY at all!!!!!

Never in a million years did I ever think I would be blogging about the death of my father. Just seems unreal!

May 6th marked the 11 month anniversary of his death...
Can't believe we are coming upon 1 year...

His death is still FRESH .....doesn't seem that long....
I am still grieving! I am still hurting...
My kids are hurting...
My mom is hurting....It's just HARD!

I was over my mom's house the other day and I saw something out of the corner of my eye, and then I heard my father call my name....it made me feel SOME KIND OF WAY....
I turned to look and he was not there...

I still call his voicemail on his phone...I leave him a message until I have clogged the mailbox....

His phone will be shut off soon, I just hate that, not being able to listen to his voice...

My mom is so lonely.....even with B there, because he is young and has a life of his own, in college, 2 jobs.......He's not there enough.....
and she sometimes mentions meeting other men.....AND I GET ENRAGED, but that is so selfish of me...

I don't expect my mom to be alone....but I don't think any man will ever fill my dad's shoes!

I still have crying fits, bits of rage, and days where I don't even get out of the bed, but thank God, I have a husband who is supportive and knows what I need.....

I don't want this to be a sad post, so I will end it on that note.....

to everyone please keep me and my family in your prayers....
this is harder than anything I have ever had to deal with