Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Missing my dad

We are approaching the 3 year anniversary of my dads death....boy time flies.  My heart is still broken.  I don't think I will ever be the same person.  I'm a little colder... Not intentionally! It just is....  My attitude is o much different.  Things that once worried the hell out of me, don't phase me.  I am still Angry! I feel like I was short changed. I honestly feel robbed.  Cancer came in like a thief in the night and stole my dad! I have my dads favorite leather coat! I was wearing it, when I felt something in his pocket.  It was a receipt dated April 2, 2010, it was for his cellphone bill. My dad was driving, walking around, and taking care of business.  2 months and 4 days later.....he was gone!  I know you're not supposed to,question God's will.  But, I want to understand why such a good man had to suffer like he did.  No one deserves cancer, and my dad definitely didn't deserve it.

I still cry myself to sleep...
I still can't get out of bed some days...
I still have those angry screaming shouting crying sessions...

It is hard!!!!!!
So hard!

Can you believe some chick had to nerve to gloat in my Daddy's death and try to tease me with all the things her and her father do together!

Some people are just evil! Pure evil.

I would never  do that even to my worse enemy!

I do dream about my dad a lot! I guess that's his way of showing up when I need him, I just wished I knew if he was ok! And that he knows how much I loved and appreciated him as a father.  Does he know how much I miss him?

People say it will get easier, I haven't reached that stage yet!
From a true daddy's girl perspective, I don't think it ever will!
My daddy was my everything, I would pick up the phone and call him quicker than Baptiste if I needed something! Lol

How I miss that man...

I will close with lyrics from my daddy and I favorite song:

Think of me
Think of me baby
You know I'd be with if I could
Come around and see you once in awhile
If you ever need a reason to smile

Those lyrics speak to me.....
And I can still hear my daddy singing them..

Wells my eyes are welling up, so I will end this.
I will ask that you continue to pray for me...this has almost killed me.


Mo said...

I don't think you should ever feel that you should 'get over' losing your father. HE was your father after all. One day it just won't hurt as much knowing that he's gone but still here. (((hugs)))

Retro Girl said...

So sorry for your loss. Sorry someone was insensitive to you and made you hurt worse. I hope you find some comfort in good memories and the love and support of your family. Take care….(Angela)