Sometimes, when....

so much happens in your all at one time.....you tend to think it's Personal.....an attack.....and for me I began to lose my faith! We were hit with so many tragedies, that I cannnnnnnnnnot even begin to count them all! Losing my father, my niece was missing, my brother almost died of a ruptured appendix, my nephew becoming paralyzed, and then dying, and so much OTHER drama.....it just becomes too much!!!!!! Too much for any ONE PERSON to bear......

I have really been struggling.....I mean really struggling, so much that I even thought about GIVING UP AND GIVING IN......

I miss my FATHER SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!

My mother is LOST without my dad.........and I see her breaking down every SINGLE DAY.....It breaks my heart, but at the same time IT DRAINS ALL THE LIFE OUT OF ME..... I feel helpless all over again, I couldn't save my dad and I can't think of anything to say or do, so that my mom won't be in so much pain, I can't help her because I can't even help myself.....

My dad was EVERYTHING to our family. He did EVERYTHING.....He KNEW how to do ANYTHING.......I called him for just about EVERYTHING......and he would fuss and cuss me out, but HE LOOOOOVED DOING THINGS FOR ME.....because I was "HIS BABY".

THIS IS SO HARD FOR ME ......

I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVERRRRRRRRRRR BE THE SAME......

then my nephew. so full of life and promise.......WHY?????????

HE wasn't out here thugging, robbing, stealing, killing.......He was a good kid....

I just really don't know how I am going to get thru this...

I don't see light at the end of the tunnel....

As soon as I get HALF WAY ok....THOUGHTS FLOOD MY MIND, and I am right back at square one....I just don't see and ending....

I try so hard, to be who I WAS, before this happened, but MAYBE I HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS CHANGE, because I am not the same......I took 2 massive blows to my heart......I just don't see me being that HAPPY GO LUCKY, SILLY, CRAZY, FUNNY, FUN....DANA....

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A KILL JOY and I don't like going out anymore....I just don't want to bring other people down, because I am hurting, KWIM???????

Well, maybe you don't know what I mean, but I am HURTING so bad.....

All that I ask is that you PRAY FOR ME....AND IF YOU DON'T MEAN ME ANY GOOD, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.....

because I am NOT in the MOST STABLE FRAME OF MIND, I could literally rip somebody apart with my bare hands......THAT'S HOW MUCH PINNED UP FRUSTRATION I HAVE.....

So, I try very hard not to let PEOPLE make me mad, because I am gonna be honest.....I HAVE THE WORST TEMPER......before I know it I black out and I have choked the shit out of someone or slapped the shit out of someone, or beat some one's ass, and I know that is not the answer and I have been working on that.........and praying about it.....so I try to just IMMEDIATELY calm myself down!!!!!!!!!!

I am not one FOR TALKING, I just can't sit there and argue, after awhile, IT GETS TO ME, AND I LEAP............I DON'T THINK.....and now I really don't know if I can control it, because of so many emotions that I am hit with everyday........

Again, just pray for my peace of mind, my strength, my patience, and my bad temper.....

I just don't want to do anything that I regret later.....

With all that being said, I am HUMAN, I make MISTAKES, if I step on your toes, IT'S NOT INTENTIONAL, just know that I am going through a lot and forgive me in Advance......

Had to get all this off my chest....

I don't mean any harm, it's just not a good time for BULLSHIT...

WELL, I think it's time for me to get on with the get on....

So, UNTIL NEXT TIME......