Friday, February 17, 2012

Allow me to be real for a moment....

I have been doing a lot of thinking....a lot of soul searching lately.....and my life at 37 is NOT THE LIFE I,  IMAGINED FOR MYSELF.  Don't get me wrong, I have a great life, but I did not see myself being where I am....

I have, for so many years, ALLOWED MY FEARS, to get in the way of my DREAMS....

right now....I should be  A DANCER......I danced from the age of 3 until my I got pregnant at the age of 17......I never put on my tap shoes AGAIN from that day! NOR MY TOE SLIPPERS!

right now I should have MY OWN BUSINESS....but I allowed people to tell me IT WOULD NOT WORK, and it would be  A FOOLISH INVESTMENT.....

there are so many things that I could have at LEAST tried to do ........but my fear of FAILURE....is bigger than my DREAMS....

My fear of failure is CRIPPLING ME...
I can't allow that any more....

I said, that this would be the year that I STEP OUT ON FAITH....and If I fail...SO BE IT....
AND IF I FAIL, I WILL NOT STOP ....I WILL KEEP TRYING.....

I don't like to reveal what i feel are my WEAKNESSES TO OTHERS....
I feel like then,  they have the ammunition to HURT ME!
FOR YEARS I HAVE BUILT WALLS AROUND MY HEART, because people have hurt me both physically and mentally in my past!
I don't let just anyone in.....

and NOBODY will EVER know anything about me, that I feel you can use to hurt me...

But when I was talking to my pastor, he said, don't build walls.....he said "BUILD BRIDGES", bridges to elevate, overcome, and move forward.....
PROFOUND WORDS....

I have let my past DICTATE my future and I didn't even realize it....
THAT STOPS NOW....

I am already in the process of changing a lot of these things....
and I can't lie, I am still SCARED OF FAILURE...and I don't know how things will turn out....
but at least, I will KNOW what it's like TO AT LEAST TRY....

THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME TO BE REAL FOR A MOMENT....

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