Tuesday, February 07, 2012

My mind has been in a FOG

I have noticed that since my dad passed, my focus and attention span is very short! Honestly, since my dad got really ill, my brain hasn't functioned at it's NORMAL capacity! I think it's something I definitely need to address! I have been reading the same book for a month and I am only on page 46....THIS IS NOT ME! I read TWILIGHT IN ONE DAY....and that's over 600 pages!

I don't know if it's grief or what, but I don't ENGAGE in A LOT OF THE THINGS I ENJOY! Like baking, scrap booking, painting, writing, art journaling, altered arts, and much more! I mean, I have been doing these things, but not in the capacity for which I used to!

I guess, I lost my STEAM, MY SWAG, MY MOJO.....
the only thing I want to do is MAKE JEWELRY AND ORGANIZE......

I don't think I have really sat down and tried a new recipe, because I just don't want to be bothered with it!
I do feel I need to snap out of it, but I don't know what to do! kwim?

The loss of a parent, especially one that you are CLOSE WITH... it's something I wouldn't wish on my worst ENEMY!

SERIOUSLY!

I AM SUFFERING FROM A BROKEN HEART!
I just don't talk about it much anymore....

I think it's time I face these issues had on, and maybe it's time for a little counseling, because it has become obvious, I can do it on my own!

I am at a loss...and it's not only taking a tole on me, but EVERYONE that I am around! Especially Baptiste and the KIDS....

and I realize LIFE GOES ON .....BUT.....without my DAD.....IT'S  UNBEARABLE...

BUT, i have to go on, because I am a mother and a wife.....and I need to put my BEST FOOT FORWARD for my family!

WITH THAT BEING SAID, I have decided that I will speak with a PSYCHIATRIST, because I obviously need the help!

I start next week....two days a week for the first month....and then I will be reassessed! I do not want ANY MEDICATIONS....I am AGAINST THAT!

BUT, I will talk ....and try to get everything off my chest as best as I can.

My doctor, wanted to subscribe XANAX, but it's NOT THAT SERIOUS!

I do NOT need to be DRUGGED to get thru this, I just need somebody that I can talk to other than Baptiste and Jesus.....



Other than that, I have been fine! Kids are all doing good! Baptiste is doing well! Mom is still GRIEVING....but she's getting stronger! My brother and I are doing a little better! His kids are improving! My sister is wonderful, doing a lot of international travel with her job, and her kids are great too! pets great too! LOL 

I am the one that is in a little bit of trouble....and I thought it was time that I addressed it!

Well that is all...
Until next time...

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