My baby thinks she's a Diva!!!! and other ramblings..

So this is a picture taken at Jariel's graduation and Baptiste's aunt Ne-Ne photo shopped a picture of Baptiste's father (deceased) into the picture and I can suuuuure see the resemblance especially with B on the right. Jariel too, but everybody knows Jariel is my twin! LOL

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Jaree loves going to the shop!!!!! I think she is spoiled!!!!! and it's my mother that has spoiled her! LOL But this time her auntie Coey and Lisa took her to the shop and she is very specific about her hair, she will tell you what and how she wants her hair to look like!

Looking Like her daddy!!!!!

I love my family. Call us crazy...call us ghetto but we have a balllllllllllllllll when we get together! We were toasted! and the kids was trying their best to get that punch!!!!!!! no ma'am! LOL

I literally kicked with these heffas for 4 days......started off at the Taste Friday, we acted complete fools because BBD, SALT AND PEPPA, DOUGIE FRESH, SLICK RICK AND ROB BASE WAS THERE.....WE DANCED, SCREAMED, CLAPPED, JUMPED, FAINTED, WE HAD A FREAKING BALLLLLLLLLL!

Saturday, I went to a BBQ at my cousin Tammy's huggggggggggggge house! I am so proud of my lil cousin, she came from very humble and meager meanings, but she is THE HEAD CARDIAC NURSE of Ingall's hospital and has a 750,000 house! Gone head on cuz!!!!

that is Tammy, this is taken at my parents house, she would kill me if i put the picture taken that day!!!! LOL

thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.......sunday we went to the water park, it stormed, cleared up and just before we went home I almost killed myself! but that I will keep to myself!

Thought I was going to sleep in on Monday, didn't them heffas come to my house on Monday!!!!!! Damn go home! LOL so we kicked it again!!!!!!

and yesterday I didn't get any sleep because I was too excited for Eclipse and it was soooooooo good! I will devote a whole blog to that.........so stay tuned!!!!

Bare with me, I have to get used to this whole blogging thing again!!!!!!!!! LOL

Until next time........

My mind is clicking at 150 million clicks per second....

Since my dad was diagnosed with cancer, we have been running, doctors appointments, chemo, radiation, back and forth to the hospital and now all of that is over, so I don't have anything to keep me busy (as I was) except for my thoughts....

I have had time to think about so much and I decided that everything I THINK i want to do I am just GOING TO DO IT....

I WANT TO TRAVEL...
I WANT TO FINISH SCHOOL (i have 18 hours left to get my Master's)
I WANT TO START MY BAKERY BUSINESS, I make awesome cakes and brownies.......
I WANT TO LEARN TO SEW
I WANT TO LEARN TO KNIT..
I WANT TO LEARN TO CROCHET..
I WANT TO RE-LEARN HOW TO QUILT...
I WANT TO LEARN BEAD AND MAKE JEWELRY....
I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY MORE....
I WANT TO DO ME...

I WANT TO DO SO MUCH ..........

THE PROBLEM WITH THAT BEFORE WAS that I am A PROCRASTINATOR...
that's one thing I always admired about my sister, she just went for it...if she failed, she picked her self up and went at it again....

I AM TERRIFIED OF FAILURE, and that keeps me from a lot of things....

Now that my daddy is gone, I have changed so much....
Shit that bothered me before, doesn't bother me now.....

I just don't care......
Life is tooooooo short for BULLSHIT, you better know it....

I am DOING ME..........LIVING FREEE.........LIKE A BUTTERFLY....

The life of a butterfly starts off very restricted... as a CATERPILLAR, It has to inch around on it's belly, it's hard to get around, he's more vulnerable, because he can't move as fast, it is restricted and limited in it's abilities....

but then the CATERPILLAR GOES INTO A METAMORPHOSIS, IT builds a cocoon around itself, and nothing can get in or out..... and while inside that cocoon a change is happening, it is TRANSFORMING, CHANGING, EVOLVING, into a BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY.....

Have you ever watched a butterfly in action......
It is so graceful, beautiful and FREE......

IT CAN FLY WHERE IT WANTS TO BE....
IT GOES WITH THE FLOW......
SO FREE.......

and that's what I want to be, before ... I was that caterpillar, RESTRICTED BY MY OWN IDEAS, THOUGHTS, AND FEARS.....

BUT, when my daddy died, I built a cocoon, and I didn't let anybody in......during that time I was changing and evolving, and now I am at my higher self...

I am living freely.............doing as I want..........not scared or limited by own thoughts and fears....

Whatever I want to do I will do it...(Legally....LOL)

But, it's just sad it took for my daddy to leave this earth for me to realize I was my own worst enemy..........

NO MORE.....
THAT DANA, IS DEAD, RIGHT ALONG WITH MY FATHER.....

THIS IS A NEW DANA.......AND I AM LIVING FREE JUST LIKE A BUTTERFLY....

yoooooohoooooo anybody there......

Well I am not blogging for everyone to read, this is sort of therapy for me...
As many of you may know my dad was diagnosed with Lung Cancer January 6th of this year, he passed away 6 months to the day June 6th. This HURT ME SO BAD. I know it's early, but I don't think I will EVER BE THE SAME. I loved my daddy so much. He was my world. I would call my daddy to help me before I would call Baptiste, it was just natural for me I guess. There WASN'T ANYTHING, that my daddy would not do for me. I am going to be so lost without him. I know i have memories, but right now this is still PAINFUL, this is still A TOUCHY SUBJECT, Just a couple days before he died, I cradled him in my arms and hummed to him, he just laid on me like a baby.....oh my God! Wooooooooooo! Not going to break down! But 2 days later, I cradled him inside my arms as ANGELS carried his soul away. Just before he died, literally seconds before he died, He opened his eyes really big,like he was seeing something beautiful and bright, and then one eye blinked, and he died with his eyes wide open! I know this sounds hard, but my dad had the most beautiful green eyes you would ever want to see, they would often change to hazel,blue, or grey and when he died they were all of those colors in one....His eyes looked so beautiful! I just looked him awhile before it hit me what really had happened, then I heard someone screaming and it was a scream that sounded PRIMAL AND FROM THE PIT OF SOME ONE'S STOMACH, A GUT WRENCHING SCREAM, and I realized it was me, It was if I was outside my own body, I lost it, all of my strength just left my body, I just screamed, cried and held my daddy until I felt like letting him go....I think that was 3 hours later, I wouldn't stop holding him, kissing him, stroking his face, I am USUALLY SCARED OF DEATH, but I was not scared of my daddy! ...

I have no REGRETS, I was there to the end.....
I love my daddy .....death cannot change that....
I know he is not suffering any more and now I have some one in heaven saving my spot!

I will miss him more than any word in the English language can express...
After all, I was a BIG OLE DADDY'S GIRL.....

BUT I KNOW, WE WILL MEET AGAIN, and that is what i hold on too....


Daddy, YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL FATHER'S ANYBODY COULD HAVE ASKED FOR...
YOU DID ABOVE AND BEYOND WHAT WAS EXPECTED OF ANY DAD...
YOU ALWAYS HAD MY BACK......AND FOR THAT I LOVE YOU TO INFINITY AND BEYOND........