Friday, June 25, 2010

My mind is clicking at 150 million clicks per second....




Since my dad was diagnosed with cancer, we have been running, doctors appointments, chemo, radiation, back and forth to the hospital and now all of that is over, so I don't have anything to keep me busy (as I was) except for my thoughts....

I have had time to think about so much and I decided that everything I THINK i want to do I am just GOING TO DO IT....

I WANT TO TRAVEL...
I WANT TO FINISH SCHOOL (i have 18 hours left to get my Master's)
I WANT TO START MY BAKERY BUSINESS, I make awesome cakes and brownies.......
I WANT TO LEARN TO SEW
I WANT TO LEARN TO KNIT..
I WANT TO LEARN TO CROCHET..
I WANT TO RE-LEARN HOW TO QUILT...
I WANT TO LEARN BEAD AND MAKE JEWELRY....
I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY MORE....
I WANT TO DO ME...

I WANT TO DO SO MUCH ..........

THE PROBLEM WITH THAT BEFORE WAS that I am A PROCRASTINATOR...
that's one thing I always admired about my sister, she just went for it...if she failed, she picked her self up and went at it again....

I AM TERRIFIED OF FAILURE, and that keeps me from a lot of things....

Now that my daddy is gone, I have changed so much....
Shit that bothered me before, doesn't bother me now.....

I just don't care......
Life is tooooooo short for BULLSHIT, you better know it....

I am DOING ME..........LIVING FREEE.........LIKE A BUTTERFLY....

The life of a butterfly starts off very restricted... as a CATERPILLAR, It has to inch around on it's belly, it's hard to get around, he's more vulnerable, because he can't move as fast, it is restricted and limited in it's abilities....

but then the CATERPILLAR GOES INTO A METAMORPHOSIS, IT builds a cocoon around itself, and nothing can get in or out..... and while inside that cocoon a change is happening, it is TRANSFORMING, CHANGING, EVOLVING, into a BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY.....

Have you ever watched a butterfly in action......
It is so graceful, beautiful and FREE......

IT CAN FLY WHERE IT WANTS TO BE....
IT GOES WITH THE FLOW......
SO FREE.......

and that's what I want to be, before ... I was that caterpillar, RESTRICTED BY MY OWN IDEAS, THOUGHTS, AND FEARS.....

BUT, when my daddy died, I built a cocoon, and I didn't let anybody in......during that time I was changing and evolving, and now I am at my higher self...

I am living freely.............doing as I want..........not scared or limited by own thoughts and fears....

Whatever I want to do I will do it...(Legally....LOL)

But, it's just sad it took for my daddy to leave this earth for me to realize I was my own worst enemy..........

NO MORE.....
THAT DANA, IS DEAD, RIGHT ALONG WITH MY FATHER.....

THIS IS A NEW DANA.......AND I AM LIVING FREE JUST LIKE A BUTTERFLY....

3 comments:

toni said...

I love it! Do your thing girl! Thanks for this because I needed to hear it, too!

Monique said...

I'm so happy for you that you are learning to grieve yet move on at the same the time. Your daddy would be telling you to live your dreams right now and in his honor, you should.

I think doing these things will be fantastic. And you should get your mom involved. I'm sure she could use something fun to do right now. Make a girls thing and strengthen your relationship. ((hugs)) to you

Ki said...

Oh Dana..you got me tearing up. You go!! Do the things you want to do, if you don't try you won't know if you will fail or not. If you fail, then you learn from your error and keep on trying. We all have failed at something, but you don't just give up. Do you seriously think Donald Trump, Bill Gates and all these other big $ tycoons never failed at something business related. Get off your buns and get to work!! There's nothing stopping you. You Stand up, you Pray for what you want, and you Get busy! God has a plan for you and who are you to tell him NO. Love ya!