Well I am not blogging for everyone to read, this is sort of therapy for me...
As many of you may know my dad was diagnosed with Lung Cancer January 6th of this year, he passed away 6 months to the day June 6th. This HURT ME SO BAD. I know it's early, but I don't think I will EVER BE THE SAME. I loved my daddy so much. He was my world. I would call my daddy to help me before I would call Baptiste, it was just natural for me I guess. There WASN'T ANYTHING, that my daddy would not do for me. I am going to be so lost without him. I know i have memories, but right now this is still PAINFUL, this is still A TOUCHY SUBJECT, Just a couple days before he died, I cradled him in my arms and hummed to him, he just laid on me like a baby.....oh my God! Wooooooooooo! Not going to break down! But 2 days later, I cradled him inside my arms as ANGELS carried his soul away. Just before he died, literally seconds before he died, He opened his eyes really big,like he was seeing something beautiful and bright, and then one eye blinked, and he died with his eyes wide open! I know this sounds hard, but my dad had the most beautiful green eyes you would ever want to see, they would often change to hazel,blue, or grey and when he died they were all of those colors in one....His eyes looked so beautiful! I just looked him awhile before it hit me what really had happened, then I heard someone screaming and it was a scream that sounded PRIMAL AND FROM THE PIT OF SOME ONE'S STOMACH, A GUT WRENCHING SCREAM, and I realized it was me, It was if I was outside my own body, I lost it, all of my strength just left my body, I just screamed, cried and held my daddy until I felt like letting him go....I think that was 3 hours later, I wouldn't stop holding him, kissing him, stroking his face, I am USUALLY SCARED OF DEATH, but I was not scared of my daddy! ...
I have no REGRETS, I was there to the end.....
I love my daddy .....death cannot change that....
I know he is not suffering any more and now I have some one in heaven saving my spot!
I will miss him more than any word in the English language can express...
After all, I was a BIG OLE DADDY'S GIRL.....
BUT I KNOW, WE WILL MEET AGAIN, and that is what i hold on too....
Daddy, YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL FATHER'S ANYBODY COULD HAVE ASKED FOR...
YOU DID ABOVE AND BEYOND WHAT WAS EXPECTED OF ANY DAD...
YOU ALWAYS HAD MY BACK......AND FOR THAT I LOVE YOU TO INFINITY AND BEYOND........
2 comments:
*wiping tears* you knwo I've been there with you the whole journey and I know it's hard but you will get through it. Your daddy is with you always and looking over youand the kids. He wouldn't want you to be sad but you shouldn't feel like you can't greive. Let it out all you want. How ever long it takes. We'll all still be here, ready to pass you tissue as you need it.
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