Calling on the saints

There is a quote by Rienholdt Niebuhr better known as the Serenity Prayer, that I keep in mind and it goes:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I Cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can ...
And Wisdom to know the difference…

Lately there has been so much drama unfolding in my life. It almost seems that there is one thing after another... YOu know...when it rains, it pours! I, sometimes let things affect that should not. I give people and situations too much Power over me... and what I mean by that is I get angry, hurt, disenchanted, all over things that are beyond my control. I cannot control people or situations that I encounter in life, however I can change how I deal!

I am about to share with you some things that I don't talk about often. I suffer from Depression! I have since I was in the 8th grade. There were some things that happened in my childhood and teenage years that I really should have sought out couseling for, but I kept it hidden until I had a mental breakdown, at the age of 13. I am not going to go into that situation, but I endured some terrible things in my past. Nothing with my immediate family.... but with a family member. I didn't know how to handle what was going on and I shutdown. I was admitted to the hospital in the psychiatric ward, for 41 days of more hell. I was released, I learned how to tell the pscychologists, nurses, etc... what they wanted to hear. I was on Haldol and Melarin and soon stop taking them, because I didn't like the way they made me feel. When I got out, I was still the same inside, but kept it hidden. Then I found God! I got saved at the age of 13! God was the only doctor, nurse, psychologist, therapist, etc... I needed! Fast forward to today, I still suffer from it, but I turn to God. I can feel it when it comes on, like a heavy wait on my chest and a dark cloud that hovers over me.

That is why I decided to major in Psychology and Mental Health. The mind is a wonderful and precious thing! But what the books don't teach you is that you have a self healing ability, that God gave to all of us.... I often meditate and pray. I will myself well. I am still human, and things can have their way of getting to you, but I always drop to my knees and go to God the father.

I, said all of that to say this: There is nothing that you are going through that our Father can't fix. He is the beginning and the end. HE is alpha and omega. He is all knowing! He is wonderful and glorious. Sometimes you have to GO THRU to get THRU. He won't close a door without opening up a window. No matter what you are going thru, continue to praise him and remember how truly blessed you are....BECAUSE their are zillions of people far worse off than you are... just be THANKFUL and remeber to keep him FIRST! The rest will follow. Walk and talk with his name! Pray without ceasing! and remember DELAYED does not MEAN DENIED. Alot of time we want a quick fix, sometimes God will take the long way instead of the shortcut...LOL

After reading my dear friend Bonnie's blog today, it made me breakdown and cry. It made me realized how truly blessed we are .... OUr lives could be so much worse.

No this house isn't going the way I want it too, but everything happens for a reason. I wanted to move out before Christmas and have our first Christmas in the new house, but if the Good Lord is willing, I will have that Christmas, it might not be in 06, but it will be in 07. I just had my mind set on being there ....but it's not the way it worked out! I just gotta wait, another week...

turns out the broker who did the loan, license expired......I CALL BS! however, this is what I am being told. However, he faxed everything over, but no one wants to do anything over the holidays...so basically I am s.o.l until after Christmas...

Everything that is worth something ....is worth waiting for .....RIGHT!

I gotta a little winded. Something about the Lord just fires me up everytime and I am compelled to speak on it....

Until next time....