Overwhelmed!

Lately, I have taken a break from social networking, I am JUST OVERWHELMED.  As you know my brother came to live with my mother in September of last year, well it was nothing but DRAMA since the day he moved in.  And to make a long story short, he STOLE so much shit from my mama, it was ridiculous, it all came to ahead about 3 weeks ago when me and sister physically put him and his family out of my mom's house.  MY MOM IS DEVASTATED! and because she's hurt, it affects OUR LIVES TOO, that being me and my sister.  I am the closest to my mom (area wise) and so I sometimes, feel like I am taking care of two households.  I go and clean, cook, water flowers, my boys take care of the yard, and jaree takes care of her dog.  My sister helps often too! As much as she can, she has a demanding job, and she lives in the city.  I am closest to my mom, so I do the most! I am not complaining, but somedays I can barely lift my feet.  I AM SO TIRED yall! BUT, I feel like it's my only parent, so I have to help take care of her.  My mom literally does NOTHING for herself, accept bathe, pay her bills, and shop! Her HOUSE would be on HOARDERS, if it was not for me, my sister, and our kids! My dad did most of the cleaning and cooking, my mom is NOT A LAZY person, but my dad was just a take charge man. 

Lately, I have been doing more in my mom's house than my own.  My house is a wreck, because I am always at her house doing something and I am just too exhausted to fix the problem. Tomorrow, I'm not answering my phone, I'm just going to clean my house from sun up to sun down.  I don't know what to do, but it's really taking a tole on me.  I did this before, I took care of my grandmother until she passed from Alzheimer's in 96, me more than anyone else, because I was home more, my parents worked, my siblings worked, and MY MOM'S OTHER SIBLING DIDN'T HELP DO SHIT!  So, I guess I have taken on the role of caretaker. But, I'm TIRED....physically and mentally! I'm JUST DRAINED!

My sister knows that, and she has really been helping out a lot! But, still most of the burden is on me! Let me not say BURDEN, because my mom is no burden.  I thank God, she can take care of her self! She is just depressed and I think it's taken a tole on her.  Losing your soul mate isn't easy!

Plus, my mom DRAINS ME....she is always talking about the shit my brother did to her.  All the time! All she does is cry! and I have to pray very HARD NOT TO HATE MY BROTHER AND HIS WIFE AND HIS KIDS, because they allllllllllll FUCKED MY MOM OVER!  They stole atleat 10K worth of stuff from my mom! and everyday we find more shit that's missing! It's just TOO MUCH!

BUT, just listening to that everyday is driving me crazy! I know my mom needs to vent, but it really gets on my nerves sometimes! I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE! We can't change what he did! IT'S DONE! We know now, that he can't be trusted! That he obviously has a bad drug addiction.  The only thing we can do is to never allow him near our mom again, until he seeks treatment! and his wife is NEVER WELCOME!

I am just so exhausted physically and mentally, and to be honest that is why I was hospitalized 6 days in April......PURE STRESS AND EXHAUSTION!

I CAN'T CONTINUE on ......
somethings got to give......

I just NEED A BREAK FROM ALL OF THE DRAMA....
I don't do drama well, it affects me PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY....

I need, at least for my mental health, to always be in a calm state of mind.....
because I can SNAP OUT JUST LIKE THAT......

and I don't want to...

So, I'm just going to tell my mom, I need a break....and hope she understands!


That is all!

and more shopping!

So I have been shopping!

I am bad! I know! LOL

Having the time of my life.....,

Hello Blog world,

I just want to say I have been having the time of my life! I had a wonderful MOther's Day! Finally Got my ipad and my sewing machine and sad to say, both of them are still in the box, but I have been so busy with the kids, I haven't had a chance to do anything!

I have been kinda MIA lately! I just have been doing things with my family, the most important people in my life.  When you start to social network, you tend to lose focus on what's important! I spent my life tweeting and on facebook...and began to stop doing things that I normally did, like create art, write in my journal, exercise, bake for the hell of it, scrapbook, paint, dabble in mixed media art, create jewerly....I just didn't BALANCE WELL....I didn't BALANCE AT ALL.... and I have found that my home life is much better and so am I.  Nothing against social networking, but I had to balance things out for my own life.

In other news, I have been a CRAFTING FOOL...3 paintings! 2 complete smash books, 1 semi complete mini album, 3 mixed media art projects in process, 7 art journal entries, a lot of reading, made a cheesecake, brownies, and banana cream pie, and a lot of walking with the hubs!

I have also been going to church and getting into my word.  I find that when I start and end my day with God, my day runs smoothly! It's just a joy that I cannot explain.  After my dad died, I went to a dark place in my life.  Did a lot of SHAMEFUL things, but I am glad I recognized the problem and wanted to do better with myself.  That is all I am going to say about that!

Kids are ALL DOING GREAT! I couldn't be more proud!
Hubs is doing GREAT!
MOM finally KICKED MY BROTHER OUT...so much has happened that I ashamed to even talk about, but if my brother does not get his life in order, he WILL SURELY GO TO HELL!

She kicked his butt out Monday....and although I feel sorry for him, what he did to my mom was horrendous!

What else! Oh, I am thinking about going back to school in the Fall....I have 18 hours to get my Master's in Counseling Psychology so I think I should get that piece of paper! It's one of the things my dad said I NEEDED to do.

Oh, and I went to Archivers the other day and completely lost my mind.....WHO SPENDS $374 AT ARCHIVERS? Me! Baptiste didn't say a word he just handed over the credit card! Then my dumb butt went to Hobby Lobby and Michaels the NEXT DAY...spent 74 at Hobby Lobby and $87 at Michaels! then I went to Old Time Pottery and spent another $45 for stuff for my scrapbook room! LOL I blame my mom for it ALL!

Then Baptiste treated the kid to a little summer shopping spree and Jaree went HELLO KITTY CRAZY! LOL  That child loves her some HELLO KITTY! LOL

Jariel is getting at that age where he's getting picky! We went to 6 stores looking for some Air Max gym shoes and he still didn't get anything, so we are taking him back today! When did this child become so picky? LOL

I went into Charming Charlie and LOST MY MIND.....I am a jewelry, purse, shoe.....FREAK! I bought a new purse, a new pair of shoes (not from charming charlie), and A LOT OF jewelry! More than I planned to!

I need to hurry up and figure out this 3 strand bead concept so I can make my own jewelry! Then I will be all goood-t! 

Today, I have to go to DISCOVERY with Jaree! I hate that place as much as I hate CLAIRES! and I went there yesterday too!  And we have to take Jariel to DTLR To get shoes and Old Navy to finish up his shopping, that boy LOVES CARGO SHORTS! LOL 

We went to Texas Roadhouse yesterday and had a nice dinner with the family! Had my nephews Aaron and Marion with us! Baptiste treated everybody! And didn't buy him self a thing! He was very patient and bought everyone what they wanted! I love that man! God sent me a good man! He gets on my nerves sometimes, but I am sure I get on his too! But for the MOST PART, he is darn near perfect! He goes above and beyond for his family and we started this thing at a young age, so I give the man his props! Love him to death!

Well, I have rambled enough...

Until next time...

My name is Dana Brooks and I am a SMASH A HOLIC

Lately this is all I want to do! SMASH! What is a smash book? It's generally a scrapbook/journal! No rules! Just go for it! Don't think about it! Just do it!

 Smashing has brought my MOJO! I even created this mini album with my bind it all! Isn't it lovely?

 Here are a few pages in my mini album:

I love that I am a creative person! It's really freeing! To just CREATE! Be it Jewelry, a painting, writing short stories or poetry, smashing, scrapping, art journaling, altering things, or mixed media art! I love the feeling when I create something! I haven't wanted to DO ANYTHING, besides create lately! I haven't been around much on Twitter, Facebook, tumblr, even my beloved pinterest! I have just been spending time with my family! baking cookies and cupcakes with Jaree.  and playing phase 10 with the family! Getting into my word! Reading! and guess what? I am totally content with that....


Until next time......

Edited to add: I added pins to the side of the mini book where the buttons are.....TOO CUTE! will post the finished book later!

My baby is so talented!

My baby is so talented!

It's official! I'm a smash addict

 Love this page, because it's all about my favorite shows!

 Do you dig the hidden journaling underneath! And Jason, Eric, and Bill look mmmmm mmmm good! Don't they? Yes, I'm a TRUBIE!

 MY FAVORITE PAGE TO DATE!

 This was  a very fun page to make!

 I love this one too!

And this was funny! All I do is pin, see the little clothespins holding my pinterest boards on the book....

Well if you were wondering where I been and what I am doing, this is it! I am totally addicted!!!!!!

Here are all 12 smashbooks! I told you I was addicted! Had to have them all, JUST LIKE POKEMON! Heads up! If you are interested, head over to Michaels, they have all 12 and you can use your coupons! if not Target has the old line and you can always go to ARchivers or your local scrapbook store! but if that fails! Check online! LOL I guarantee you, you will be addicted just like I am now!

Now get off the computer and GET YOUR SMASH ON!

Smashing..

I have been smashing....a fun form of Scrapbooking, where pretty much anything goes!
Here is a look.at some of my pages...

My baby is growing up!

Look at my baby girl! Can you believe she will be 13 next month? Time sure flies!

She is already 5'3 and 1/2, she's taller than me! Not that it takes much!


She is such a lil lady!
She reminds me so much of myself!
she also looks a lot like her great grandma Rosia!
She has a lot of my ways! Woooo! the GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY!~  She is definitely my MINI ME!
I AM SO PROUD OF HER! SHE IS BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT!
Her smiles lights up a room!
and she has a spirit of a person who's been here before! Our conversations......sometimes....MAN! I can't believe it! She has her head on straight that's for sure, but she is MATURE BEYOND HER YEARS!

Until next time......

Allow me to be real for a moment....

I have been doing a lot of thinking....a lot of soul searching lately.....and my life at 37 is NOT THE LIFE I,  IMAGINED FOR MYSELF.  Don't get me wrong, I have a great life, but I did not see myself being where I am....

I have, for so many years, ALLOWED MY FEARS, to get in the way of my DREAMS....

right now....I should be  A DANCER......I danced from the age of 3 until my I got pregnant at the age of 17......I never put on my tap shoes AGAIN from that day! NOR MY TOE SLIPPERS!

right now I should have MY OWN BUSINESS....but I allowed people to tell me IT WOULD NOT WORK, and it would be  A FOOLISH INVESTMENT.....

there are so many things that I could have at LEAST tried to do ........but my fear of FAILURE....is bigger than my DREAMS....

My fear of failure is CRIPPLING ME...
I can't allow that any more....

I said, that this would be the year that I STEP OUT ON FAITH....and If I fail...SO BE IT....
AND IF I FAIL, I WILL NOT STOP ....I WILL KEEP TRYING.....

I don't like to reveal what i feel are my WEAKNESSES TO OTHERS....
I feel like then,  they have the ammunition to HURT ME!
FOR YEARS I HAVE BUILT WALLS AROUND MY HEART, because people have hurt me both physically and mentally in my past!
I don't let just anyone in.....

and NOBODY will EVER know anything about me, that I feel you can use to hurt me...

But when I was talking to my pastor, he said, don't build walls.....he said "BUILD BRIDGES", bridges to elevate, overcome, and move forward.....
PROFOUND WORDS....

I have let my past DICTATE my future and I didn't even realize it....
THAT STOPS NOW....

I am already in the process of changing a lot of these things....
and I can't lie, I am still SCARED OF FAILURE...and I don't know how things will turn out....
but at least, I will KNOW what it's like TO AT LEAST TRY....

THANKS FOR ALLOWING ME TO BE REAL FOR A MOMENT....

Missing my boo!

Baptiste is away for job training, 20 business days!  he comes home on the weekend, but since we have been together, we have never been apart this long! its so boring and lonely without my boo! Only 7 more business days to go!
thank god for oovoo! that is how i get by!


PRAY FOR ME Y'ALL!

IN SHOCK...

 I remember when Whitney Houston first came out......I was in grammar school! I remember singing "Greatest Love of All" for our 6th grade graduation! I mimicked Whitney! Singing in my hairbrush or the broom, I looooooooooooved her, like she was family!

IT JUST UPSETS ME, that people only REMEMBER THE BAD things when YOU DIE....
what about all the GOOD THINGS....
her accomplishments....

WHO GIVES A RATS BEHIND about her addiction....
WHAT ABOUT THE WOMAN SHE WAS INSIDE.....the woman we all fell in love with....
I saw past all the BULL GARBAGE....the GIRL HAD PIPES....and she has been with me since I was a child....
Of all her songs.....YOU GIVE GOOD LOVE IS MY FAVORITE.....man, I remember singing this like  A GROWN WOMAN, swinging my hips and my hair......and trying to do THE CHURCH MOUTH TREMBLE when I sang....LOL  I know y'all know what the CHURCH MOUTH TREMBLE IS???????


My heart goes out to her mom, her daughter and BOBBY TOO! Contrary to POPULAR OPINION, Bobby loved him some WHITNEY.....and WHITNEY LOVED HER SOME BOBBY...and when you share a child and share that many years together, you gotta know that man is CRUSHED! That is the mother of his CHILD....a woman he spent YEARSSSSSSSSSSS with....He is HURT TOO!

Here's my where were you when you got the news Whitney Houston died MOMENT?:

I was at my mom's! Jariel was having a VALENTINE'S get together and my mom has a HUGE BASEMENT, so I was supervising! My cousin Mara, came over and said "GIRL, YOU KNOW WHITNEY MUTHA********** A** checked up outta here" DON'T ASK, everybody has that one ghetto ass cousin! I said "QUIT PLAYING"  She said "I'm serious as a HEART ATTACK".  I had left my phone at home on accident, so I ran and got my IPAD....GOOGLED IT....and at that time, my mom was screaming from THE FAMILY ROOM...."Danaaaaaaaaaaaa, somebody KILLED WHITNEY HOUSTON" Now, I don't care how somebody REALLY DIED, my mama is always going to say they were KILLED. LOL  I came in and it was breaking news on I believe FOX....

I had to excuse myself....because I was FLOORED......
I FELT THE SAME WAY when Michael Jackson died.......

Gone way too soon!
And yesterday when Jennifer Hudson sang that tribute.....I lost it!

where were you and how did you get the news Whitney Houston died?

I am going to leave you with my favorite Whitney song and Jennifer Hudson's amazing performance on the GRAMMY'S!

UNTIL NEXT TIME

My mind has been in a FOG

I have noticed that since my dad passed, my focus and attention span is very short! Honestly, since my dad got really ill, my brain hasn't functioned at it's NORMAL capacity! I think it's something I definitely need to address! I have been reading the same book for a month and I am only on page 46....THIS IS NOT ME! I read TWILIGHT IN ONE DAY....and that's over 600 pages!

I don't know if it's grief or what, but I don't ENGAGE in A LOT OF THE THINGS I ENJOY! Like baking, scrap booking, painting, writing, art journaling, altered arts, and much more! I mean, I have been doing these things, but not in the capacity for which I used to!

I guess, I lost my STEAM, MY SWAG, MY MOJO.....
the only thing I want to do is MAKE JEWELRY AND ORGANIZE......

I don't think I have really sat down and tried a new recipe, because I just don't want to be bothered with it!
I do feel I need to snap out of it, but I don't know what to do! kwim?

The loss of a parent, especially one that you are CLOSE WITH... it's something I wouldn't wish on my worst ENEMY!

SERIOUSLY!

I AM SUFFERING FROM A BROKEN HEART!
I just don't talk about it much anymore....

I think it's time I face these issues had on, and maybe it's time for a little counseling, because it has become obvious, I can do it on my own!

I am at a loss...and it's not only taking a tole on me, but EVERYONE that I am around! Especially Baptiste and the KIDS....

and I realize LIFE GOES ON .....BUT.....without my DAD.....IT'S  UNBEARABLE...

BUT, i have to go on, because I am a mother and a wife.....and I need to put my BEST FOOT FORWARD for my family!

WITH THAT BEING SAID, I have decided that I will speak with a PSYCHIATRIST, because I obviously need the help!

I start next week....two days a week for the first month....and then I will be reassessed! I do not want ANY MEDICATIONS....I am AGAINST THAT!

BUT, I will talk ....and try to get everything off my chest as best as I can.

My doctor, wanted to subscribe XANAX, but it's NOT THAT SERIOUS!

I do NOT need to be DRUGGED to get thru this, I just need somebody that I can talk to other than Baptiste and Jesus.....



Other than that, I have been fine! Kids are all doing good! Baptiste is doing well! Mom is still GRIEVING....but she's getting stronger! My brother and I are doing a little better! His kids are improving! My sister is wonderful, doing a lot of international travel with her job, and her kids are great too! pets great too! LOL 

I am the one that is in a little bit of trouble....and I thought it was time that I addressed it!

Well that is all...
Until next time...

BACK TO THE BASICS...

I look at some of these children this day and age, and I seriously want to CRY...
THEN ...
I WANT TO GO GET A SWITCH OFF THE TREE AND DO A DRIVE BY ON SOME OF THESE BAD ASS KIDS!
I was in Stracks minding my own business and this little girl all of 14 years old, said very openly and LOUD "I NEED SOME DICK ASAP"!  

I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.......
I gave her the dirtiest look ever and I almost hit this child in her mouth, because it was PLAIN DISRESPECTFUL...of not only the adults and elderly people around her, BUT MAINLY OF HERSELF!

If that is what you are doing at 14, IT'S NOT CUTE.....and YOU NEED TO KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF!

As a teen, I WAS DEFINITELY not an ANGEL! But, I had respect for my elders and myself!
I carried myself LIKE A LADY, because if I DID NOT, there was SUDDEN DEATH waiting for me at home!

But, I WANTED to carry myself like a lady! I demanded my RESPECT! I didn't allow the boys to feel all on me .....NO FREE FEELS HERE...
I DIDN'T ALLOW BOYS TO TALK TO ME ANY TYPE OF WAY....
and I got the UTMOST respect in high school!

My parents taught to RESPECT MYSELF..and then OTHER PEOPLE WILL RESPECT YOU TOO..
My mom taught me the importance of acting like a lady at all times!

You NEVER CAUGHT ME CUSSING LIKE A SAILOR IN FRONT OF ADULTS..
did I cuss amongst my peers, HELL YEAH....but in an ADULTS PRESENCE, NOPE!

THE WORLD IS SO DIFFERENT NOW...
PEOPLE ARE MORE CAUGHT UP IN BEING THEIR CHILD'S FRIEND THAN THEIR PARENT!

I am A PARENT!
When you get GROWN, we can BE FRIENDS! but right now, I am THE ENFORCER!
NO CHILD WILL EVER RUN ME OR MY HOUSE!

and ....I was A TEEN MOM!
I HAD MY FIRST CHILD AT THE AGE OF 18!
HE IS NOT MY FRIEND....HE IS MY CHILD....He will be 20 in November of this year and I STILL DEMAND MY DAMN RESPECT!

HE tries to tell me he is grown now, but DUDE, GROWN means YOU HAVE YOUR OWN....when you still need me to do shit for you, YOU ARE NOT GROWN!

NOW, am I saying I have PERFECT KIDS....not by a long shot!
My kids HAVE THEIR WAYS....each of them do...
but never will I have a child sit up in my face and CURSE...
NEVER WILL i have a child ARGUE WITH ME .....not WHEN I FEED YOUR ASS EVERYDAY!
NEVER WILL I HAVE A CHILD HIT ME...YOU WILL DIE THAT DAY! DEFINITELY...
Never will I have a child sit up and talk about SEX openly or allow them to do it in my house!

I WILL NOT BE YOUR FRIEND! I AM GOING TO BE YOUR MOM!
I STILL THINK OLD SCHOOL IS THE BEST WAY....
and I will get a belt or a switch in a minute....JUDGE ME!
I BELIEVE CHILDREN SHOULD HELP AROUND THE HOUSE! You DO YOUR PART in my house!
I am feeding you everyday and YOU CAN'T WASH A DISH? I don't think so!

I just feel sorry for some of these kids because they don't have a CLUE!
DISCIPLINE is a way of LIFE...
RULES ARE PUT IN PLACE EVERY WHERE...
Work, School, Law, Government, even SOCIAL NETWORKS...
and you will follow the RULES of my house, UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN...

if you don't...

THERE WILLLLLLLLLL BE CONSEQUENCES!

I am all for having fun with your kids! WE HAVE A BALL IN THE BROOKS HOUSEHOLD, but their is a difference in having fun and BEING YOUR CHILD'S FRIEND!

THAT IS ALL....

BLATANT DISRESPECT!!!!

I WAS OUTRAGED WHEN I SAW THIS, BUT NOT SURPRISED! GOVERNOR BREWERS NEEDS HER ASS KICKED FOR THIS!  But, Republicans are GREAT AT POINTING THE FINGER and this is PHYSICAL PROOF of that! I AM SO SICK of the BLATANT DISREGARD OF OUR COUNTRIES PRESIDENT! The media does not even address him as PRESIDENT OBAMA, they refer to him as MR. OBAMA! I don't recall Dubya being called Mr. Bush or President Clinton being called Mr. Clinton!  It's just BLATANT!!!! and I am sick of it! This man is DOING THE ABSOLUTE BEST HE CAN, he is BUSTING HIS ASS, and he doesn't get any FREAKING CREDIT.  Jan Brewers was WAY OUT OF LINE!  AND THE SECRET SERVICE SHOULD HAVE TACKLED HER ASS! That was a threatening motion! YOU DON'T STICK YOUR FINGER IN A GROWN MAN'S FACE! But, this is NOT SHOCKING TO ME....

Some things never changed! He is STILL A BLACK MAN....we have made GREAT STRIDES in this country, WE HAVE CONTRIBUTED SO MUCH, but the WORLD only SEE'S IN BLACK AND WHITE, which is sad in this day and age!

I am OUTDONE!

Letting go is hard....

Letting go....TWO WORDS ....SOUNDS EASY, but it is very hard...
Whether you are letting go of a person, a place, or even a thing....it can be very hard!

When my dad got ill, it was a shock... and before we could even get over the shock....HE DIED.  My dad was diagnosed with cancer January 6th and he DIED June 6th....HE DIED 6 MONTHS TO THE DATE of his DIAGNOSIS!




 My father died, but in a lot of ways I WAS DEAD TOO! I was DEAD IN MY SPIRIT! I was DEFEATED, because I thought my dad was INVINCIBLE! I really did! I really didn't even get a chance to prepare myself, because the whole CANCER THING was a SHOCK...and my mom had colon cancer and SHE BEAT IT! my mom was NO MATCH for my dad, so I just thought just maybe, he would beat this thing! HE HAD A QUADRUPLE BYPASS, and was walking the NEXT FREAKING DAY!  so......why couldn't he beat cancer?

I am still coping with this, but I learned in order for my dad to be at peace, I needed to let him go....
Absence from the body, means presence with the Lord, and he can't be in ANY BETTER HANDS THAN THOSE...

Now does that mean, I still don't cry or I don't miss my father....NO! JUST, means I am coping a little better and I NOW have peace in his death, that I didn't before....
Moving right along..

I was diagnosed last May with diabetes, I WAS DEVASTATED! This was like a DEATH SENTENCE for me, but I HAD TO LET SOME THINGS GO....It was either that or DEATH....which is what I was heading for with UNREGULATED blood sugars on the high end of 487 and dropping low as 39.  I had to learn that MODERATION for me, was the key and EXERCISE.  I like to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it!  BUT THAT, WAS NOT WORKING FOR DANA.... so I had to start measuring portions, with cups and half cups AND I AM NOT GOING TO LIE, i hated it AT FIRST, but with time, I am now used to it! I lost over 35 MUCH NEEDED pounds, and I am still going for more! 

I am NOW off medication and regulating with taking bsl daily, exercising only 3 times a week, and diet!  and  I bet you are wondering if I cheat, YES, all the time, DO I FEEL GUILTY, nope not one bit, BUT DO I go back at it again, YES I DO, and that is what matters, NOT GIVING UP, even when you have weak moments!

I had to let go of my PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS OF FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS:
When I love a person, whether it's my friend, family, husband, I LOVE WITH MY ALL....meaning, there is NOTHING that I would not do for that person! I am a VERY GIVING person, if you NEED IT, I GOT YOU....I am a PROTECTIVE PERSON, if you hurt the people i love YOU HURT ME, and I will protect them by any means necessary!  I am a OPEN MINDED PERSON, I am not judgemental!  I am a very HONEST person, so I will not SUGAR COAT anything for you....and I am ME.....ALL DAY EVERYDAY.....
but in saying that...

I CANNOT EXPECT EVERYBODY TO BE LIKE ME...
that is my DEFENSE ON EVERYTHING, how could you do this to me, when I would never in a million years do this to you?  I made this statement at least a million times in my life!

I cannot change people, I cannot save people, the only person in the equation that I can change or save IS DANA...and I had to learn that the hard way...

So, in 2012 if YOU DO NOT MEAN ME ANY GOOD, and I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE ....I had TO LET IT GO....


Why? because things effect me a little differently? Things affect my sleep, my stomach, my mind, I have headaches, I worry, and I am the only person LOSING SLEEP AND GETTING SICK! For what? When that person or persons is sleeping like a baby every night!

So, I LEARNED to remove myself and MOVE AROUND...
Sounds EASY ENOUGH, but it really isn't especially when it's FAMILY!

BUT, NOW that I have learned to LET GO....my life is so much easier! Seriously!
I breathe a little easier, I sleep better, my health is better....and I am so serious!

Some people say I have a "I don't give a fuck attitude", well, that's not it....I just don't allow myself TO GET HURT anymore!  Did you read that right? I said, I DON'T ALLOW MYSELF TO GET HURT anymore!  I can only CONTROL ME, and for a very short while my KIDS, because they will all become grown and be their own person(s). ....but,  just learned that I cannot expect everybody to do the things I do...go the distance I go....I am WHO I AM, and they are WHO THEY ARE ...and if they don't mean me ANY GOOD, or they ARE NOT GOOD FOR ME, I just let them go! AND....it was not easy, but I feel much better now that I did!

Yes, Letting Go is hard, but sometimes it is what needs to be done, in order to better your life!!!!!

funny story to share

yesterday it started snowing very heavy...

the kids look outside to see how heavy it was snowing...

jariel started to talk about a snow day and how cool it would be to have one..

jaree started crying because she didn't want to miss school...

now at first I thought this was a joke..
BUT..

when I looked at her face I realize she was serious..

her nose was red as a beet..

it took everything in me not to laugh in her face...

WHAT CHILD IN AMERICA, WOULDN'T WANT A SNOW DAY?

MY CHILD!

she loves school!
THIS KID WATCHED THE NEWS UNTIL 10:30 LAST NIGHT. and.....SHE WOKE UP AT 5:30 and started looking for school closures..

When she didn't see our district she was ecstatic...

Look at her face, compared to Jari's.....jariel was pissed!

gotta love these kids..
they are all different! lol

i guess that is why jaree has been on high honor roll since Kindegarten....and reads at a college level....

you know..

my baby who defied all odds from surviving a seizure that lasted over an hour....the one that they said would be brain dead, or severely brain damaged....the one that was in a coma for days, the one that i was told would,never walk or talk again, yeah her! God is good isn't he?

welp, thought i would share that...

until next time!

I FEEL LIKE A TON OF BRICKS ARE SITTING ON MY CHEST...

MANY of you may know that I suffer from DEPRESSION!

I was diagnosed at the age of 13. I kept having all these crying spells and not knowing why. I would sleep all the time and I didn't engage with anyone in my family....

BASICALLY, I JUST SHUT DOWN....

I spent 41 days in a pediatric psychiatric unit in Christ hospital!

No one could get me to come around! The first 21 days i was in PSYCHIATRIC ICU.  I wasn't talking to anyone.  I didn't trust anybody.

I never felt so alone!
After 21 days, i was moved to 4 south, i was around children with eating disorders, sexually promiscuous girls, suicidal children, children who self mutilated, and started fires.  I did not fit in!

My pastor at the time Reverend John H. Burke started to visit me.  At first, he would,pray for me and give me bible verses to remember, so that we could discuss at our next visit. 

Then, he told me to seek God, for myself, and it would be there that i would find,peace.. 

At 13, i found God..

i started to open up and in a matter of days i was released from what i felt was hell! 

i had a strong desire to be Baptized and i was so into the word...

over the years..
i lost my way!

When my dad passed, i was so angry...
when my nephew Pierre died 3 Weeks later, i felt God turned his back on me.....but really i turned my back on him..

well, just a week ago, an old familiar feeling came over me...
Depression...

One day, i started crying and i couldnt stop! i was unconsolable! my hands were sweaty! i couldnt concentrate on anything! i started to shake.. 

I had a Nervous breakdown!
i was going to check myself in the hospital.

but then a funny thing happened..

i heard a beep on my phone, i assumed it was a text, but it was a notification from an app i downloaded called the Daily bible.  i picked it up and it read: 

1:1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; 2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. 1 Psalm 1-2

i read this about 10 times before it clicked!

I have been going through so much, issues with my children, issues in my marriage, health issues, issues with my siblings, trying to take care of two households, mine and my mothers, still grieving my dad...dealing with crazy folk...i just couldn't do it!  

i needed help, and i called on Jesus! and,he answered me!

He didn't forsake me after all...
it was me!

i had to let a lot of things go...
i had to let a lot of people go...

and i will never turn my back on God again, because its evident he didn't turn his back on me.

whew..I am going to end this now because i am so emotional right now!

Getting organized!

My motto for 2012...less is best! Getting rid of the clutter, starting with my craft studio! Here are there before pics.... After pics coming later.