Physically and Mentally tired!

I am so exhausted. While Jaree has been progressing, she has started to worsen in other areas. They still do not have a source of infection, so they do not know where her fever is coming from. She started an anti-convulsant (fosphenytoin), and I researched and do not like the side effects of this medication, she cannot just stop cold turkey, even if I wanted her off, because it can send her into a seizure right away, instead she has to be weaned off. She has become hypertensive, and they are trying to regulate that. She has been hacking and coughing, because she aspirated, while seizing, and she has to restart the albuterol treatments, which also could lower her threshold for another seizure. I have only had about 6 hours of sleep in three days. I am upset with alot of things that have been going on at the hospital. She was supposed to have gotten an MRI today, but was unable because she kept coughing. I kept pushing the doctor to give her a breathing treatment, but she did not want to, because she was not weazy. I don't know what type of stethoscope she was using, but I could hear the weazing without one. I am just pissed off right now. I am scared. No one can tell me whats going on with my baby. It just has been an emotional roller coaster. I am thankful to God, that she even made it. Because at one point it was touch and go. She seized for over an hour, close to two. They gave her enough valium and adavant to tranquilize an elephant, let alone, a 6 and 1/2 year old, 6olb, little girl. It has really been a test for me. She is sooooooo irritable. Any little thing sets her off! I am trying to stay calm. I always try to take atleast 30 minutes for myself. Otherwise, I would become postal. hehe. I am going to continue to pray for her to be well, and for strength, because it is really starting to affect me now.

Dana

Prayers for my daughter!

Please say a prayer for my daughter! She was hospitalized yesterday, she had another seizure. She is in Intensive Care. She was complaining of a sore throat, and we layed down and took a nap together,I awoke to her convulsing. Even though this a frequent occuring thing, its is very scary. It is a hard thing to see your child suffer. She was struggling so hard to breathe. They had first thought she need to be intubated, thank God she was breathing on her own, struggling hard, but breathing on her own. She had to have 7 doses of Adavent (Valium) to stop the convulsions. It took about 2 hours for her to stop seizing. Last night, she finally woke up. She is very disoriented, but atleast she is awake. She is not totally out of the woods, but she in progressing nontheless. Please say a prayer for my baby! She is my only daughter! I love her soooo much! I prayed day after day for this little girl of mine. The lord blessed me with her and now I pray he blesses me with a miracle of keeping her healthy. I had such an overwhelming support system. My mom,sister, husband, mil, both my sil's... we swapped out most of the night. Only 2 are allowed in the room. She is complaining about her throat and chest hurting. They suspect she has viral croup, which brought on a fever, which in turn brought on the seizure. The doctor said, it is atypical for a child her age to have a febrile seizure. In most cases, children grow out of these type seizures by age 5. Jaree will be 7, in April. The neurologist suspects epilepsy. She will be having an EEG and MRI on Monday. They are starting her on anti-convulsive meds today. If I understand correctly, she will be on these meds for awhile. I hate this! Those medications have zombie like side effects. I hope they don't plan on sending her home on any medication. She is such an active litte girl and I hate to have her be so listless.

I am so scared. So I am asking for all your prayers!
Dana

Are you comfortable in the skin you are in? Food for thought

This is such a catch phrase, heard in commercials and seen in ads all across the globe, that poses an excellent questioon. Are you truly comforatble with yourself. I would like to think I am . From birth, my mom always taught me that you should always be yourself, but be the very best that you can be. Never let anyone or anything define you! I think that has stuck with me to some point. I have developed a thick skin for criticisms and open mind to constructive criticisms.

I have always been myself. I am proud of who I am. When I look in the mirror I like what I see staring back at me, but there are those days of self doubt and self pity. There are those days when I wish I could shed a few pounds, there are those things that I think my skin isn't looking its best, there are those days I wished I could be more successful in life, there are those days I doubt myself as being a good wife, mother, or overall GOOD PERSON.

There are days that I look back and wish I could change the past! So if you really think about it is there anyone that is really comfortable with themselves. I mean if I truly thought I was perfect, I would never grow. My life would become stagnant, stuck in a time warp. I would never learn from my mistakes....

Overall, I do think that I am a good friend, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good aunt, A GOOD PERSON.... I am a very loving, caring, and understanding person. I continue growing as a individual everyday. AS my brother says "It gets greater later...

Until next time
Dana

I am turning into a hermit!

I don't know if it's the cold weather or what? But, I have retreated to my home. I do not like doing anything that involves going outside of my house. I can't even really blame it on the weather because its truly been mild here in Chicago, but I just hate to go outside. I am usually always on the go, but now I hate it. The problem is, I hate getting up dressed! I love my sweats and pjs! They are so darned cute and comfy! When I do go out, my hair has to be done, clothes ironed, make up done, even if I go to the grocery store. I think that's the problem. I am dreading tommorrow, my hubby has a gig, and one of his co-workers is having a birthday party at the club he dj's at and he really wants me to go. I WANT TO STAY HOME IN MY PJ'S!!!! But , I guess I will have to give them up for one day. I hope he does not decide to stay for long, because I want to come home and do some reading and scrapping. I have not accomplished much of my housework....lol, but I have been doing alot of scrapping and tons of reading.

My mother asked me if I was depressed and I said "No", not really. I don't think I am depressed, just comfortable at home, in my own skin, doing me! I "KICKED IT", enough and now it is so time to chill! I don't mind the occassional going out, but when it becomes habitual, I can't do that anymore. Guess I am getting old!

My husband calls me Granny ma, because I am usually dozing off at about 10Pm, and I nap alot! I am just tired. I am up with the kids at 6am, getting them off to school. The last child leaves at 8:05am, I don't go back to sleep. I try to accomplish a few things like laundry or any left over dishes. Then by that time, I am too wired to go back to sleep. So at about 7pm, I am dragging my feet because I am just freaking exhausted. But I always make time for him, if you know what I mean..hehee! So he shouldn't be complaining. I really got that man spoiled. He wants all of my time. He is worse than the children!

I guess I will be getting out soon, because I love going to the movies and When a Stranger Calls and Final Destination 3 are all coming out next week, so I will most definitely be going out to see that!

until next time
Dana

BRRRR it's cold!!

I really cannot complain, because the weather here in Illinois has been wonderful. I absolutely hate being cold. My husband always talks about me in the winter, because I come to bed in full body armor...lol pjs, sometimes a sweatshirt, and big wool socks. Guess that's not sexy...haha! But I cannot stand to be cold, especially my feet and my hands. If my feet is cold, my whole body is cold. I always drink tons of tea, capuccino, and hot chocalate in the winter. I love my big quilts too! I put my head under the cover, until I get warm!

I am dreading going to pick my hubby up from work, because it is cold out! I wished I would have never taken the car! I would much be snuggled up in bed with my pjs, mywoolies, and my quilt reading my book! But, instead I have to go pick my snuggle bunny up from work. Can't wait until my oldest starts driving. I will be stoked!

Can't wait to get back home, get in bed, and get some reading done!
Until next time!
Dana

I've been tagged!

Tagged....
Four jobs you’ve had in your life:

1. Oasis Video (you would be amazed to see how many elderly hearing impaired men rent porn

2. Target (highly overworked extremely underpaid)

3. Financial Aid dept of South Suburban Community College in South Holland, Il. (Don't mess with people and their grant checks...that's all i gotta say. Seen plenty students go postal!

4. Beauty Salon (found out that women can be so bitchy over their hair, just like I am....lol)

Four movies you would watch over and over:

1. The Color Purple

2. Life

3. The Green Mile

4. Sling Blade

Four places you have lived:

South Side of Chicago from birth until I was 14 1/2

Lynwood, Il until I was 23

Chicago Heights,Il

Alsip,IL

Four TV shows you love to watch:

1. Invasion

2. Supernatural

3. American Idol

4. REal World/Road Rules Gaunlet (Alton is great eye candy!!!)

Four places you have been on vacation:

1. Miami beach

2. St. Thomas

3. San Juan, Puerto Rico

4. St. Croix

Four websites you visit daily:

1. www.twopeasinabucket.com

2. www.creatingkeepsakes.com

3. www.blogger.com

4. www.scrapjazz.com

Four of your favorite foods:

Steak Tostada Suizas

Grilled NY Strip Steak, Baked Potato w/butter and sour cream, and TExas Toast

Crab Legs and Lobster Tails, Shrimp

Perch and Salmon

Four places you would rather be right now:

At the spa getting an awesome full body massage

on a cruise to the carribean

getting some z's

in my hubby's arms, but he's playing 2K6 on his motherf**&^%$#@ XBOX!!!

Four bloggers you are tagging:

Tangee

Monique

Tracy

Monica

this is me 

Thoughts shared before hitting the sheets

As my day nears a close, I have been contemplating many things...
One thing is how am I going to a better person in 2006. What can I do to live a better life?
For starters, I have been keeping a journal of things that make me feel good, things that make me feel bad, people who I feel great around, People who make me feel inhibited, things that comfort me and things that make me feel comfortable. I have to take this initiative,t o take a honest look at certain aspects of my life. I am not getting any younger. I am 31 years old and I owe it to myself to delve deep inside of me and make some changes. One of things I have been doing was taking responsibility for me....I am the only person responsible for my own happiness. No one else. I cannot change people to my liking...I can only change how I, Myself, will react or for lack there of...not reacting, by removing myself from potentially destructive relationships and behaviors.

I, in the past, have been toooo trusting and have been burned many times as an end result. I am the type of person, that is willing to take the shirt off my back for my fellow men. Many people have mistook my niceness for naivity and weakness. I have opened my heart and home to many undeserving people, but I have always been a trusting person, and try to give every one the benefit of the doubt. Frankly, that shit, does not work. I hate to shut certain people out of my life, but I cannot continue on being used and abused. Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me...

I am going to live for me and my family.... and keep the friends who are positive and movign in the same direction I am...Idon't have time for drama in my life. I have a husband for that...lol

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to be a uptight witch, but I will keep my guard up and feel my self out first.

Until next time
Peace, Love, and Hair grease

Redefining me!

After alot of soul searching , I have found that I am not happy with the person staring back at me in the mirror. It has nothing to do with image, but what's on the inside. I have become such a dependant woman. I depend on too many other people, as well as things for my happiness. When happiness comes within. I got so wrapped up into being a wife...a mother, a daughter, a friend, that I lost Dana somewhere along the way. I am going to start pampering myself, and not depending on other's too do it. I am going to start spending time with myself (me time), instead of depending on other's to spend their time with me. I am going to start loving myself more , instead of wanting more love from other's. Don't get me wrong, I am happily married. My husband is wonderful! I love my children with all my heart. It's just that I am not only a mother or only a wife. I am me...Dana

I plan on making dates with myself. Trip to Border's for coffee and reading. Signing up for more scrapbook classes, and attending more crops. Even going to the spa for massages and manicures. Looking within for my happiness is the route I will be taking from now on.

Dana

Does anyone know how to add pictures to your profile???

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

WOW! Its hard to believe another year has come and gone! It seems just like yesterday we were celebrating the coming of 2005, now 2006 is here! Now, that 2005 is behind me, I do not plan on dwelling on the things that I did wrong, nor the things I did right! I just plan on living life to the fullest. I plan to be more spontaneous. I am such a rigid person, and I need to relax and just enjoy life. I am not going to sweat the small stuff!!! I plan to be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, and just be myself! I am going to stop defining and redifining myself. I am going to stop the unrealistic expectations of myself and just relax. I think that life would be much better if I would change these things about myself. So, my new years resolution is to be more laid back and relax more. To just enjoy life. What's yours??? Dana