Physically and Mentally tired!

I am so exhausted. While Jaree has been progressing, she has started to worsen in other areas. They still do not have a source of infection, so they do not know where her fever is coming from. She started an anti-convulsant (fosphenytoin), and I researched and do not like the side effects of this medication, she cannot just stop cold turkey, even if I wanted her off, because it can send her into a seizure right away, instead she has to be weaned off. She has become hypertensive, and they are trying to regulate that. She has been hacking and coughing, because she aspirated, while seizing, and she has to restart the albuterol treatments, which also could lower her threshold for another seizure. I have only had about 6 hours of sleep in three days. I am upset with alot of things that have been going on at the hospital. She was supposed to have gotten an MRI today, but was unable because she kept coughing. I kept pushing the doctor to give her a breathing treatment, but she did not want to, because she was not weazy. I don't know what type of stethoscope she was using, but I could hear the weazing without one. I am just pissed off right now. I am scared. No one can tell me whats going on with my baby. It just has been an emotional roller coaster. I am thankful to God, that she even made it. Because at one point it was touch and go. She seized for over an hour, close to two. They gave her enough valium and adavant to tranquilize an elephant, let alone, a 6 and 1/2 year old, 6olb, little girl. It has really been a test for me. She is sooooooo irritable. Any little thing sets her off! I am trying to stay calm. I always try to take atleast 30 minutes for myself. Otherwise, I would become postal. hehe. I am going to continue to pray for her to be well, and for strength, because it is really starting to affect me now.

Dana