Wednesday, February 11, 2009

So I had this whole other blog post ready

to go and I read one of my favorite blogs. It happens to belong to my girl Adrienne, who I love so much!!! It's amazing how you can meet a person, you never met in person, only talk on the phone occassionally, communicate through text, blogging or twitter and really form a REAL BOND. I am getting emotional just thinking about it. But this girl is ONE OF THE REALEST people I know! She doesn't SUGAR COAT things. She has a tell it like is, personality and I love that!

She was blogging about being a Work in Progress....
And how she has grown and learned that she had to let certain people in her life Go....

When I read this, the tears started flowing.......

As many of you know I have a sister and 1 brother, and 3 half brothers!
Growing up my brother Marcus were so close.
Just how Jaree and Jariel are .....

We were thick as thieves, despite our 8 year age difference.

My brother was my BUDDY...
He taught me how to FIGHT, how to wrestle, how to play football, how to play baseball with a league ball that is, how to play basketball, I think he wanted a little brother, but got me instead...

We were so close that when he got his very first girlfriend, I cried for WEEKS...
I felt like she took my BIG BROTHER, away from me and he had to MAKE SURE he made time for me....

I hated NICOLLE, that was his girlfriend. I did mean things to her, and made her life hell for the first year, because I was so JEALOUS of her and my brother.

My brother was my protector!
He was my confidant. I could tell him anything.

He used to clean my room for me, so I wouldn't get punished, I think that is why I keep a messy room to this day.....LOL

He taught me to dance!
He taught me everything I know about math, my brother is a MATH GENIUS...

He taught me not to ever take ANY SHIT from a MAN.
He taught me to stand my ground.

He taught me how to jump fences, and how to use a magnifying glass to set bugs on fire in the summer, bad but true....

We had so much fun growing up together.

I remember getting countless whoopings, because I used to cry or try to get in the way, when he was getting punished...

I love my brother so much that I was going to name my son after him, but Baptiste decided at the last minute he wanted him to be named after him....

I am saying all this to say this.

My brother went away to college and he came back different.
We were still close, but he would get so angry over little stuff...

AS the years went by we were still close and thick as thieves....

But he was still very short tempered and just plain mean sometimes...
We found out in 1995 my brother had a drug addiction....

It tore our family apart.

Make a long story short,

My brother does not come around anymore....
The last time I saw my brother it was August, and that was to baby sit his kids while he went to Six Flags.

I have 2 beautiful nieces and a nephew who don't even know me...I mean they know I am their aunt, but they don't come around like Aaron and Aaliyah (my sisters kids).
They are missing out on so much love!!!!

And what's even more sad is he doesn't come around MY MOM either...

That hurts me so bad.

I cry about it all the time!!! So much so, that Baptiste started to dislike my brother, and me being who I am I would quickly defend my brother and it would cause us to get into it.....

I had to learn to JUST LET HIM GO....
GIVE IT UP TO GOD!

Do you know how bad it hurts, to go to your brother's house and hear him inside, see him walking around, and him not even answer the door for you....

This has happened so many times......

And this has been like this for the last 4 or 5 years....
We didn't get into it....

He just acts like he doesn't care about me.

I am his so called favorite sister, but you don't even call to see if I am dead or alive!

Ugh, I am about to break down now...

So I will end this....
Don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but this was heavy on my heart, and my blog is CHEAP THERAPY, and I needed to release this....

3 comments:

toni said...

As an only child, I can't begin to know the bond you have w/ your siblings and what you are going through with your brother. But I do know about having to let go of people you care about because they can't reciprocate. Just know that his treatment of you is nothing personal and entirely his issue. And love is never just over and done.

The Insatiable One said...

I sympathize with your pain. I dont know what I would do with myself if I weren't close with my family or my brothers.

Heather said...

Oh Dana, this is so hard. But I think you said it perfectly when you wrote "give it up to God". You are not letting him go. You are just entrusting him to someone who may be able to help him.