No more babies...bohoo

Today, I was looking at my children and they are growing up so fast! My baby girl Jaree will be 7 next month and it seems like time just flew by....

I mean I know that growing up is a part of life, but does it have to happen so fast. My oldest child will be graduating from 8th grade in June, and he's changed so much within the last year. He grew 5 inches in one year. He is already 5'9 and his feet went from a size 7 to a 10 1/2 and he's only 13. He growing up and away from me....He does not want the kisses and hugs...mommy went from being everything...to being gross. When did all these changes take place? Where was I? It does not seem that long ago that I was changing his diapers and now he's a little MAN!

My Jariel, (youngest son, 9), is still very much my baby. He does not mind giving me kisses in front of his friends. He still gives me hugs. He thinks I am the prettiest woman in the world and I am the world's greatest mom. But, how soon will that change. His older brother was the same way.

Anybody that knows me, will tell you...I live for my children. My children are my life. Without my children, life would not be the same. I love them sooooo much. There is not a word in the english language to describe how much.

I get a little sad, because their time as children seems so short... I want to baby them, nurture them, and spoil them forever and ever...

I love babies, and after my daughter, the doctor's suggested that I have a tubaligation. I had 3 rough pregnancies and almost died after giving birth to my second child. They had recommended that I have a tubal after him, but I was still holding out hope, that someday I would have a daughter. Praise God, she was born 3 years after that.

I decided to have the tubal, and sometimes wonder was that the best choice for me. There are those days that I wished I could give birth just one more time...I think about a lot. I was born to be a MOTHER. I am good at it! I LOVE children! I always have. I think being a mother was my GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT and ACHIEVEMENT! I have done many things in my life, but nothing tops being a mother.

My husband expressed several times, that he does not wish to have anymore children. He feels that we have the perfect family and assures me that BABIES GROW UP... I miss nursing my children, holding them in my arms, the smell of a freshly bathed baby, feeling their breath on my neck as they sleep in my arms, the cooing, the cutesy little outfits... I would like to do that just one more time, but dh says he would kill himself if I were to become pregnant again...LOL

I still can't help to wonder, what if... Would it be a girl? Would it be a boy? How would he or she look? What would I name her or him? Just can't help but wonder.... Realistically, I will just enjoy and cherish, the time I have left with my children, before they turn into adults and even then they will forever and always be MOMMIES LITTLE BABIES....

Dana